Nervous About Later...

Later on today/tonight, I have something going on,
and I'm feeling a little of what I suppose is "pre-performance anxiety."

It kind of feels like tonight is an audition. As I've mentioned before,
when I'm actually jamming, playing and singing, I feel good and confident.
It's the rest of the time that I wrestle with self-doubt and anxiety.
Tonight is about forcing myself to get to that point. In other words, if
I can make myself show up there, walk in with my guitar and start
playing and singing my songs, then I'll feel better. It'll be ok, I just know it.

Obviously I'm going to go. I have to. But damn, this is scary for me.
Shit. I do want to talk about this. Obviously, or I wouldn't be here
right now.
I'm probably going to jinx myself if I talk about this stuff. : (

My brother says that I shouldn't be afraid, that it's about time something
good is happening for me, after all the bad shit that's gone on the past
few years. I agree with him, but yet I still have the lingering pessimism.

We'll see, I suppose. I'm going to give it all I've got, and do my best.
"If I do my best, then I have no regrets". Direct quote from William -She bangs-Hung.
That's what he said to Simon, Paula and Randy. And even though he looks
oddly like a Mongoloid that has Mongolism, or a Mongol that is a Mongoloid,
he was/is right.
(That was a mean comment, and I didn't mean it. People shouldn't call people that
have Down's Syndrome "Mongoloids."
That always reminds me of a mean joke. A old joke. " You look like the after-effects
of a Mongolian clusterfuck." I remember once shouting this with Mike and several
other people simultaneously in front of a store . : )
I got seriously off -track there.
Anyway. Like William Hung, I am going to do my best tonight, and that's all I can do.
If it doesn't work out, I can comfort myself with that.