Sunday, March 09, 2008

A Door Closes....

...a window opens?
I hope so!

A lot has gone on since I last posted anything. I didn't realize I'd been away from the blog for that long!
The divorce is finally finished. It was distinctly unpleasant for both of us. Understatement, that.;)
I was surprised at how unhappy he'd seemed that final day in court. He actually seemed more devastated!Was it an act? An award worthy performance? Didn't seem so.
I figured he'd be thrilled at my lack of fight, my lack of greed, my lack of lawyer. The fact that it had all been so clean and I'd kept it to financial matters only, and even deliberately kept out things I wasn't supposed to know about (but did) financially, in order to end it quickly. I didn't care anymore, I was walking away from the fight. He knew that. So why did he seem so sad, upset?
I wondered about that for too long afterwards.

So it's taken time to get over it. The longest chapter of my life. The childhood sweetheart aspect made it worse. These are the people that help form us.
I didn't want to write or communicate for a long time because I felt too sad and bitter. Plus I was exhausted. I still feel tired...

But just lately I am starting to feel that I might be waking from an epic bad dream. Spring is here.
Winter and my marriage are past now. The air outside is sweet. I walk along and think:
"Oh please, let this tiny feeling of hope grow!
Don't let it be a fleeting thing that dies too soon before it even really lives!"
Because I do have some hope now. :)

And I also *hope* all is well for everyone here! Thanks for not forgetting about me!:) xoxo


Blogger ginab said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:21 AM  
Blogger ginab said...

oh no it cannot be a fleeting hope. this newness, the sweet air. I've been reading mythology and I swear the world of gods and mortals was a whole lot sweeter. and then it's in us, I'm thinking, to create what we want to see. light. a stream of wine. a goat that trots up and gives us insight. the pine tree even shakes for the sceptor at its roots.

intuit the good long vision of what comes more, in other words. press your ear to the air as though for the first time. want to hear it. listen....


9:22 AM  
Blogger grace said...

oh we cannot forget you!!

Maybe he wanted you to fight like crazy, and was let down, that you were like, whatever...,I am done!! yahoo for you!!!!

Live life Lisa!! xox grace

9:37 PM  
Blogger Cathy with a C said...

I'm glad to see your posting again! Also really glad that you are awakening and see the hope and the potential in your new future.

Wishing you all the best!


8:11 PM  
Blogger Anne-Marie said...

so nice to see you again! I think your ex was saddened because it really is over, and you made a quick, clean break.

I for one am delighted that you've found some positive energy again and that life is moving forward in a good way for you. Spring is about rebirth, so I'll wish you all the best.


6:03 PM  
Blogger grace said...

Happy Easter!

7:28 PM  
Blogger VallyP said...

Lisa!! I haven't been here for a while because your blog seemed so quiet, but I'm glad I've popped back. I'm very happy to see you've emerged from the battlefield in one piece and that you've got some new energy now, sweetheart. I agree with Anne Marie about your ex. Be strong. Have a happy Easter and I'll look forward to seeing you back a bit more soon, I hope?

4:51 PM  
Blogger Metalchick said...

Hi Lisa,
I agree with the others here, your ex was probably disappointed that this din't turn into a big fight. You're a much bigger person for walking away clean.

It's always good to have a fresh start. Hope you're doing well. I haven't been around here much either, but I am doing fine.

Take Care.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Metalchick said...

I'm back, and my boyfriend dumped me! It didn't end well.

Once I got to really know him, I realized that I wasn't really in love with him. So for two and a half months, I tried to do a clean break-up, but he wouldn't let me! He didn't wanna let go! So I removed him from my top friends on MySpace, that gave him the hint.

I don't want this to get too long, so you can go over to my profile and read the full story.

Now, I know that divorces and break-ups aren't exactly the same, but in a way, I now understand how hard they can be! neither of them can ever be easy!

Anyways, I'm OK. I feel like I'm finally free.

Hope you're doing alright.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Lucy said...

You have most certainly NOT been forgotten.

I'm so sorry it's been such a hard chapter... I do hope things move up for you... But I know it's hard.. it's very, very, very, very hard.

I bet he didn't realize what he was losing till the very end. Human nature.

all my best,
Lucy. xo

6:23 PM  
Blogger Nabonidus said...

You all are so wise. Every single word written here by all of you was true. I know it.
I think it was difficult to respond because of that. And because of all recent events that also indicated it being true..
I think he may have been reading my blog so I am now more reticent.:(
I'll have to visit your blogs which is needed anyway. I've been selfish and introverted, I know. And yet I do love you guys.xoxoxoxo

1:54 PM  
Blogger Lucy said...

Miss you LOTS!

(I have my very first vid up, if you want to see.)

- L.

10:09 PM  

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