Major Accomplishment Yesterday...
I did it. I filed a response. I filed for divorce.
There were these "Family Court Facilitators" at the courthouse, they are wonderful!
And free, regardless of financial income! Although there are filing fees but you can even get those waived under certain circumstances..
They make it far more complicated with the legal wording and paperwork than it needs to be, understatement of the year, belaboring the obvious, I realize. Heheh, I just basically said the equivalent of "the sky is blue." eh? :)
Anyway, they helped a lot! And now I need to get the papers to him, delivered, whatever. Today was the cutoff date for filing a response, so I was lucky to get that in on time!
I'm scared, though. I'm trying to figure out how to do this without having to hear any crap. Or worse.
And yet I need to get him the papers asap because he also has limited time and he was prompt with my papers.
Shit. :(
I want to say more but I shouldn't.
You can pay people to do this, but I don't have the money. And you can have the cops
do it, but that's not cool, and besides, I'd have to warn him first on that. Ask him if he minds the sheriff showing up at his work. Or his home. I would not just do that to someone. He didn't do that to me, even. I remember distinctly not wanting that.
So there needs to be a certain level of consideration.
Except that now, with the response,I'm not sure if I should see him. Have him come here and have my neighbor sign it off.
What was I thinking?
Suddenly I just got hit with this overwhelming feeling of dread. I have to call him, and tell him that the papers are filed and I need to get them to him...He'll ask what they said, if I "lawyered up"
and what did I check on the boxes? What am I asking for? On the phone. He won't even want to wait to see. He'll start interrogating me, I'll blow it, somehow, no matter what I say, and I can't even think from there. I'm getting scared. I think he still loves me, and hates me, too. Because I really am not this bad person that would deserve such rotten treatment from him.
I want to explain myself but I can't! But I just hope nothing bad happens to me.
I have to figure this out.But i'm having a bit of a panic attack, I think. :(
There were these "Family Court Facilitators" at the courthouse, they are wonderful!
And free, regardless of financial income! Although there are filing fees but you can even get those waived under certain circumstances..
They make it far more complicated with the legal wording and paperwork than it needs to be, understatement of the year, belaboring the obvious, I realize. Heheh, I just basically said the equivalent of "the sky is blue." eh? :)
Anyway, they helped a lot! And now I need to get the papers to him, delivered, whatever. Today was the cutoff date for filing a response, so I was lucky to get that in on time!
I'm scared, though. I'm trying to figure out how to do this without having to hear any crap. Or worse.
And yet I need to get him the papers asap because he also has limited time and he was prompt with my papers.
Shit. :(
I want to say more but I shouldn't.
You can pay people to do this, but I don't have the money. And you can have the cops
do it, but that's not cool, and besides, I'd have to warn him first on that. Ask him if he minds the sheriff showing up at his work. Or his home. I would not just do that to someone. He didn't do that to me, even. I remember distinctly not wanting that.
So there needs to be a certain level of consideration.
Except that now, with the response,I'm not sure if I should see him. Have him come here and have my neighbor sign it off.
What was I thinking?
Suddenly I just got hit with this overwhelming feeling of dread. I have to call him, and tell him that the papers are filed and I need to get them to him...He'll ask what they said, if I "lawyered up"
and what did I check on the boxes? What am I asking for? On the phone. He won't even want to wait to see. He'll start interrogating me, I'll blow it, somehow, no matter what I say, and I can't even think from there. I'm getting scared. I think he still loves me, and hates me, too. Because I really am not this bad person that would deserve such rotten treatment from him.
I want to explain myself but I can't! But I just hope nothing bad happens to me.
I have to figure this out.But i'm having a bit of a panic attack, I think. :(
posted by Nabonidus at 4:30 PM
15 Comments:
Stay calm. The divorce will take a few months and certainly financial details will be argued in court but a family court which means the judge decides. You won't be homeless, in the end. For now if you feel truly unsafe you will want to make arrangements to stay with someone where he won't know where you are.
I hope that makes sense!
-ginab
Thanks Gina! Yep, it makes sense.
I can only hope there isn't so much arguing. Or anything else.:( Though we currently live apart this is the most I've stood up to him.
Oh, Nab, I sympathize. I'm an idiot when it comes to legal matters (or anything that pertains to logic in general) (or is law logical??) .. but I truly sympathize. Hang in there!
Think of a day when all of this will be in the distant past and you're relaxing on an island, with a friend, drink (or tea) in hand. With not a care...
Well, I tried.
It's a scary (and sucky) business, I know.
Oh, and btw Lisa, thanks for agreeing with me about "Unchained Melody". You may not go so far as this, but I actually (truthfully) dislike the song. Can't put my finger on why, but I do.
Hey thanks, Lucy!It *is* a scary and sucky business. Sad.:(
Aw, but you're not an idiot, either! lol :)
Hey, I was thinking about Unchained
Melody - maybe you witnessed or went through something unpleasant as a kid, with that song playing in the background? Maybe a parents fight or something? I have songs that kinda bring back unhappy times, I tend to avoid them.
Hi Lisa,
Gina gave some good advice. You are going to get through this and come out the other side just fine. In the meantime, stay strong, and don't be afraid to reach out to friends if you need a hand. I did my divorce myself too, was often daunted by the paperwork, but it all worked out. I didn't have a hostile ex, though, but I know you are a strong lady.
Email me if you need support or a pep talk, okay? I'm rooting for you.
It's a big step, but you've done it and you've done it mostly by yourself. Be proud of yourself for that. Stay safe and be careful. Practice saying, "I don't like it when you talk to me that way. And, if you continue, I'm going to hang up." And, then do it if you need to. And, only see him in a public place. Regardless of how nice he becomes, don't trust him. You know what he has done in the past.
And, yes, you will get through this and be in a much happier place at the end.
Keeping you in my prayers.
Cathy
dont panic, remain calm. Don't give him any information. You don't have to tell him anything, just stay focused on your plan and yourself. Stay strong it will work out. Dont let him bully you, ok?
xx
Stay strong! You should be glad that you took this huge step. You will make it through this!
Here's some really good news that might brighten your day, Rage Against the Machine's reunion went very well! They totally Rocked Cochella last night! They have also added one more date to the Rock the Bells tour, hopefully they will add many more in the future and possibly reunite permanently!
Heheh, the troops are here! Seriously, you all are helping me so much. :)
In fact I'm going to see how everyone's blogs are because I haven't been a good blogger lately. xoxoxoxoxLisa
What a big move!!!! I am proud of you! Cathy is gives great advice. Practice saying that and SAY IT. I say it all the time to my x - at first I screamed it at him which was stupid but now I can say it calmly.
You can too.
Thanks, Colleen, you are right, you and Cathy, it's like you are there, or were there. Which makes me sad that you guys had to go through this first to get to the places you are now. But at least you are over it I hope. :)
It's helped a lot. I still haven't gotten ahold of him. I need to try harder now that the weekend is over. :(
Weather is getting hotter, eh? It's hot in the garage these days. The Dodgers have been doing well...sorry Padres.
I hope you do the safest thing with regard to any legal matters. I admire you for trying to honor the integrity of your husband with regard to serving papers, etc. ...That is important. All of us have honor somewhere, possibly including he whom you honor by being civil.
Did I say Dodgers yet?
--Dan L.
Yes I have BTDT. But I survived -- I think pretty well too! -- You will survive too and it will feel likeyour life has just begun.
Oh Colleen, I hope so! I really do!
:)xo
And Dan, thanks for seeing that I am
trying to handle this properly, considerately as possible. Hehehe,
the Dodgers, I remember watching from
the early days, er...bucky dent?
And people like that? My mom liked the dodgers.:)
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