Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Edited Partial Repost About French Horn...

I think I know why I deliberately made myself forget about playing French horn. To admit to playing it is to tell how I stopped playing it.Why.I remember auditioning for the advancedband, the teacher came all the way from the other school.
I got in, no problem. I "won". At that time it was probably the best thing that ever happened for me, the most personally thrilling. I was ecstatic. Felt like winning.
So I played. I kicked ass, I was 1st chair. There was a real competition thing going there. I think there were 4 of us. The girl that was second chair made me feel like I had to stay on my toes. There were 2 guys, also.I was proud of myself, but I had a secret. The longer it went on, the more my insecurity and fear grew. Let's call it paranoia.
I didn't know how to read music. Never did learn. I mean, I got the idea, I get it, kind of.It's just that my mind/body doesn't see music that way. Not when it comes to playing it, hearing it. The way my ears transmit sound to my brain.Basically, I got to stay first chair with people wanting my spot, all that time, playing
by ear. And after a while, it ate at me. For some reason, I thought it was really bad, that I was a fraud. Mr. Sonstegaard would say "Ok everyone, turn to page 21" , and everyone would do it, including myself, but those might as well been sheets of kleenex. They were, in fact, less useful to me then kleenex .
So I kept up my fraud, learned songs, until one day I couldn't stand it anymore. I was feeling like I was retarded. Literally, retarded from being as good as everyone else, because the black dots were just black dots and squiggles. Even though I was still first chair.
In fact, Purple and fucshia, lavender are sounds of minor chords to me, and blues chords really sound brown sometimes. Or red..Or orangey.Or even black.
I see music in color, and shapes in my mind. I even see/hear it in textures. My friend Al had an old Gretch guitar, really nice. I called it the crunchy Gretch. Sounded crunchy a lot. But good.
This isn't some acid-related thing, I was a young kid seeing it like this.
I can see music in color, shapes ( such as when Santana does this one solo that I like, it sounds like a sunburst, or like an exploding star. My mind sees it as a burst of light behind my eyes.). I can see music in texture. I can even see music
in numbers.
But I cannot see music in little black dots.
I can read music these days -sort of.This was how I felt at that age.I felt like I wasn't good enough for band because I couldn't read music.So I went to Mr. Sonstegaard, and I spoke to him after class one day. Told him " I'm going to have to drop out of band."
He asked why, and I told him. His face changed, but not in the way that I expected.
He said " You don't know how to read music? And you've been playing by ear, all this time?"
I said yes.
" Well then you CAN'T quit band, don't you see how good that is?" But I didn't see it.I felt like an idiot.He was genuinely upset, and he really did put on a hard sell, as far as trying to get me to stay in band. Normally he was a laid back, cheerful guy. This was a very different demeanor, he was geuinely unhapy!

Makes me sad thikning of it now, because I stood my ground and quit band. :( What a mistake.I regret it, and I have regretted it always. It wasn't really about the money, and the cost of renting the French horn, like I'd originally hinted. My parents never complained about the rental.Those even then were very expensive to own, though.That's why we rented it.
So I guess I know now why I never wanted to remember thatI played French horn.
And recently you-know-who reminded me. That's surely why I remembered it.

Songs are like puzzles, brightly colored ones. Drums, bass, guitar, all puzzle pieces that fit together to from a picture, a song.

10 Comments:

Blogger Gary said...

Wow. What a learning experience for you. It IS very cool that you can play by ear. I bet that music teacher of yours told a lotta people about it, if I were your teacher, I would have asked to meet with your folks. Entwistle played french horn.

I can't read music either. I sort of can if I concentrate, but these guys who ask for a manuscript and riffle off some classical guitar with it, no. I find it just as hard to decipher guitar tab, so, I prefer to make up my own. Want a really super secret? I play chords that I don't know what they are.. they sound good, so I play em, but if someone asked me for tabs to my stuff, there would be a bit of a problem.

It's not always essential to know how to read music. Phil Collins can't read music.

Thanks for the lovely post on my blog.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Nabonidus said...

Aw, so it was John that played! How sad! I never mentally gave him the credit, being a kid and all, I guess I'd mixed it up in my head somehow!
He had a lot to do with why I didn't scrap the French Horn that first year!
Hey, Gary, I play chords the same way. lolol It's actually really nice to know someone else does that, too.:)
I can do that certain kind of tablature, where you're basically drawing an above view of the neck and where the fingers would go, you draw dots.:)
But my blues chords in my last clip
( my most recent) are completely made up chords. :)
Ha! Gary, I forgot! Check out my
most recent clip, I figured out how to multi track with the webcam! lol
You just play back your previous clip, and play a lead over it, in a new video! lol
I swear, you should get one of these, Gary.:)

3:22 PM  
Blogger Marietta Zervou said...

Good Lord, what a talent!
I don't read music either, but I can't play at all,LOL!

I'd love to learn how to play something, probably keyboards, I'd love that.

Saw your clips, they are fab, especially the recent, multi track one!

xoxoxo
M

4:31 PM  
Blogger Kid Ric said...

Reading music is nice to know but innovation takes musical talent. I read just enough to get me by sometime. Been playing drums pretty much by ear my whole career. Broke down and bought myself a fancy metronome today. Can always learn more. Charting all the meter now for my bands set list.

Concerned it is then. Thank you!

Peace, love and light.

Songs are like puzzles.

5:26 PM  
Blogger Nabonidus said...

Well, thanks Marietta! And Gary and Kid Ric, too!
And KR, thanks for agreeing with me about songs being like puzzles, and also about the word concerned,I'm glad.:)

5:43 PM  
Blogger Fleur de Bee said...

Very interesting post about how you see music. I personally feel it and also see it in a dance move in my mind before it is executed in reality.

So my question is...what ever happened to the French Horn? Is is hiding in the closet or was it sold on eBay? Do tell!

6:54 PM  
Blogger Mary Beth said...

So, obviously you are very talented on french horn!! You should rent one again and start playing. I know it's one of the harder instruments to master. I played flute and baritone sax in high school...and, also, yes, bagpipes. I was in a pipe band all through high school and even won some awards (it's a big cultural thing where I grew up, though some people think they are odd since they're so loud, but if you play them properly and in tune, they're not so bad). I adored playing in senior band with my sax (I only stopped playing because I went away to university and didn't own a sax), and I also loved the pipes, but they got old after awhile. My parents never understood why I quit the pipes (they were so thrilled that I played them), but I just didn't enjoy them anymore, and they are HARD to play. Way harder than any other wind instument - it's a serious workout on your stomach and lungs just to practice, and then you have to march around in parades and crap when you play. Not my cup of tea - loved senior band MUCH more!

Anyway, I still have my beloved piano, which I play every day. Sometimes I play by ear if I hear a tune I like someplace, and, if not, I learn whatever by reading the music. It's amazing to be able to play by ear like that - don't think of it as holding you back, but putting you ahead of others, who maybe can read the music, but maybe also struggle to even PLAY the instrument properly.

You go, girl! Remember, there's always a way to rent or buy a french horn now if you have regrets from high school! :)

8:56 AM  
Blogger Nabonidus said...

Thanks, Mary Beth! I'm only now seeing how good it is to be able to do that.
But you reminded me of how I got a
pedal organ setup...I was about 11 we were at a party, my parents friends.
They had a piano, and I went up and played the theme from the Sting perfectly. I just did it,I don't know how I did.And my dads
friend came up and was surprised and blown away,made a big deal out of it, made me do it again.
Next thing I know, my parents brought home an organ. Pretty cool. I can play literally anything, it's just something I can do. Wish I'd known back then what a gift it was/is.
Hope you all are well! xoxoLisa

9:10 AM  
Blogger Mary Beth said...

Ah, well - now that you realize it's a gift, you can use it to your advantage! :)

Yeah, my stomach is all better now, thanks for asking. Apparently we're now having a New Years Eve party here, so at least I'll be at home if I drink anything that makes me feel ill!

10:06 AM  
Blogger Bri said...

Dear Lisa, I've just read this blog today (Christmas). Wow. I'm really feeling your feelings in band. As a classical musician who DOES read music, I am very impressed that you were managing without actually reading the parts.

That means you have an awesome ear and that you are extra-musical. If you'd been my student, I'd have convinced you to stay in band and I would have put in some extra hours working with you on the notation reading part, which really isn't so huge a problem once you get into it.

How sad that you felt deficient, when actually you were super-good!

I was a piano teacher for decades, so I have had students whose ears were phenomenal like yours.

The best of both worlds, really, is to have a really good ear AND be a good music-reader. There aren't too many folks like that.

Also, the French horn is a hard instrument to play well, so if you were 1st, I bet you had a good sound. I was friends with a French horn player (girl) in music school/college, and she rocked.

I also played concerts with a girl who played French horn, in high school. She was so big and strong and had great lungs!, was quite the tomboy, and smart too. She and I were at a big audition one winter night when there was suddenly a power outage due to snowstorms. We were playing Mozart Horn Concerto when the lights went out! We kept playing, because we knew the piece by heart (even me, the piano player). I'll never forget that night!

Big hugs,
Brina

7:30 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home