Born Under A Bad Sign...
My profile pic right now is great. This is what my mother and my maternal grandfather looked like when they were pissed. I see now that the only difference is my hair color. Much lighter than theirs.
My biological father was German. But my face, that's my mother and her father looking back at me! My mom had a most intense stare, and so did my grampa. My brother and I used to wither under these sorts of gazes.
I should put a link here for when I change my profile pic, you can still click and see the one I'm referencing here...Hard stare
I'm going to be candid because I have to be. I haven't been doing ok lately. I've been doing a lot of "Why Me?" and thinking about my mother and how unhappy she was. Yes, it started when I began to write that song "Life Isn't Fair" that mentions my mother's face. And how she looked so sad when she told me that life wasn't fair. That really happened. How sad she was so much of the time!
I've been thinking about my mom ever since that song. Different things happened in my life recently, you guys all know that. People came back into my life and turned everything upside down. I haven't been around so much since then.
I have a certain amount of shame. That's what part of it is. I'm laying low because I'm ashamed of myself for having been weak. Not saying No to a certain someone.
It's the conscious mind versus the heart.
But I'm going off-topic. My mother.
She lost her sister and her mother, on Nov 16 -several years before I was born, and allegedly the night I was born also.
I personally believe my mother hated me for this. Always.
For the longest time I never knew why she hated me, but I always knew I was not the fave.That's an understatement. And she had told me a few things about when I was born that had made me know I wasn't welcome. Well, she'd long ago told me that I was an accident and my brother was planned.
But I later when I was 18, 20, found the ancient family bible. To my shock and horror there were death certificates in there, that gave up this info. Yep, I'm not lying or making this up. I was born under a bad sign. November 16 in my family was a death day.My mother's twin sister and also her mother died on November 16. My birthday. Both the night I was born, and several years before then but also on 11-16..
Today I wonder if I am cursed. I never fell into this line of thinking before now.
My mother told me on more than one occasion that she thought she was cursed. So many horrible things had happened to my mother that I believed her.
Anyway. I need to move on to happier subjects. I am recovering from being really sick with strep throat, had to go to the doc and get medicine, antibiotics... So this might be coming from an unwell mental place.Forgive me.
My biological father was German. But my face, that's my mother and her father looking back at me! My mom had a most intense stare, and so did my grampa. My brother and I used to wither under these sorts of gazes.
I should put a link here for when I change my profile pic, you can still click and see the one I'm referencing here...Hard stare
I'm going to be candid because I have to be. I haven't been doing ok lately. I've been doing a lot of "Why Me?" and thinking about my mother and how unhappy she was. Yes, it started when I began to write that song "Life Isn't Fair" that mentions my mother's face. And how she looked so sad when she told me that life wasn't fair. That really happened. How sad she was so much of the time!
I've been thinking about my mom ever since that song. Different things happened in my life recently, you guys all know that. People came back into my life and turned everything upside down. I haven't been around so much since then.
I have a certain amount of shame. That's what part of it is. I'm laying low because I'm ashamed of myself for having been weak. Not saying No to a certain someone.
It's the conscious mind versus the heart.
But I'm going off-topic. My mother.
She lost her sister and her mother, on Nov 16 -several years before I was born, and allegedly the night I was born also.
I personally believe my mother hated me for this. Always.
For the longest time I never knew why she hated me, but I always knew I was not the fave.That's an understatement. And she had told me a few things about when I was born that had made me know I wasn't welcome. Well, she'd long ago told me that I was an accident and my brother was planned.
But I later when I was 18, 20, found the ancient family bible. To my shock and horror there were death certificates in there, that gave up this info. Yep, I'm not lying or making this up. I was born under a bad sign. November 16 in my family was a death day.My mother's twin sister and also her mother died on November 16. My birthday. Both the night I was born, and several years before then but also on 11-16..
Today I wonder if I am cursed. I never fell into this line of thinking before now.
My mother told me on more than one occasion that she thought she was cursed. So many horrible things had happened to my mother that I believed her.
Anyway. I need to move on to happier subjects. I am recovering from being really sick with strep throat, had to go to the doc and get medicine, antibiotics... So this might be coming from an unwell mental place.Forgive me.
posted by Nabonidus at 3:05 PM
9 Comments:
That picture is not that bad.
Wow! It's no-neck! I haven't seen him in years!
Anyway, really? It's not that bad? Thanks! :)
I, myself, do not believe the whole "sign" thing. I am Virgo, there...period. I could care less. Yes, there are many amazing coincidences in life, but please, I am NOT into the "signs" and "fate" thing.
But I do believe in...Nabo!
...ever since I got the OK to not type your whole blog name, I am free to be simpler. I do not see you comment as much on R. Fuller's blog as you did on Pete's.
I feel Rachel has absorbed a whole lot of the Pete Blog thing, you know?
Now playing, 11:54 PM..."Goin' Mobile" in MY garage, not Allen's next door "studio".
Stay cool,
--Dan L.
Hi,
The signs do tend to come close to our personalities, but I don't let that dictate how I live my life. I'm a Gemini.
I think your picture looks good.
Hi Dan and Metalchick! Yeah, I'm a Scorpio but I wasn't going to mention that. I was actually quoting the old Cream/blues song. I think it might be Ledbelly's or someone like that.:)
"Booorn under a baaaad sign..."
Awww, Lisa, I don't think any of us is cursed. I think we make of our life what we can, and we all have a chance to turn stuff around if we're not happy where we are. Hang in there - your birthday may be a bad coincidence, but you shouldn't put that one thing up to the front of everything as the defining aspect of your life. Life is so much more than a date, and, anyway, it's not your fault when you were born! :)
Think of it this way. It is not just an unlucky date. It's your birthday. A lucky day. Your Mother had a choice, she could have chosen to see this in a positive way, affirmation that life goes on. Perhaps, she didn't. She believed herself, and you, to be cursed. Her choice. Now it is your choice. Life is not always fair. No way. I know it. But, we can chose how we handle it. You are a very bright woman, smart and talented. It ain't over yet, lady. Give peace a chance. xxx
-Sue
It is hard to think/feel clearly when your sick... You've touched on a very vulnerable place no doubt. Its good to be open to examine yourself - I have to say don't be so hard on yourself. We tend to take on our parents problems as children and make them our own. We make choices early that effect our lives forever until we can realize I don't have to make that choice.. I can have a better outcome... I am a child of god and deserve all the blessings that life offers... so on and so on. You can take some time and reprogram. Life is creative. Stand for you real intensions for yourself which are good, be in your heart. Write and rewrite your script to get there. Don't look at it as failure if plan A did not work out, go to plan B keep pursuing your dream... Keep with your intent and life will manifest. Never give up your power to create your life... sending a virtual hug your way.
x.A
I really should proof what I write! Especially first thing in the a.m. while yet half awake! lol
Hey, this is great Alecia! Don't worry
about it, these were good words and from the heart! I appreciate it a lot!
xoxoLisa :)
(virtual hug back atcha!:)
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