"Sad...

And day for me shall be like the night."

Victor Hugo. I always liked that poem ( Tomorrow At Dawn).

I've been sad for a long time now. I haven't been going out,
I've gained 20 pounds recently : (

Obviously I'm not happy about that, and I'm going to get rid of
that 20 before it turns into 25 or more! It was like a wake up call yesterday.
That was when I found out I'd gained 20 pounds. I knew I'd gained maybe 5 pounds,
but damn.
I also haven't been writing in my blog for long periods of time because of this sadness.
I've noticed that I tend to clam up when I get depressed. I get quiet, I don't write,
apparently I eat too much. Although in recent times past I've been so sad that I wasn't hungry.
For weeks, months, years. Just lately I've been turning to food for comfort,
and I have to stop that.
That's why I'm here writing, at this moment. I'm forcing myself, basically.
Maybe talking about it will make me more aware of it on a conscious level.

I know this is all a self -perpetuating cycle, I see it.
Sadness, followed by eating too much, I gain weight and now I am even more unhappy,
and self-conscious. So I stop going out on Saturday nights. Stop singing. Which
makes me even more depressed. Too depressed to write in my blog. Which just makes it worse.
Like I said, that's why I'm writing this. I need to stop this cycle.
There are reasons that I'm sad, things I'm trying to get over. There is validity to my sadness.
But I'm working on it, I really am.