Sunday, March 09, 2008

A Door Closes....

...a window opens?
I hope so!

A lot has gone on since I last posted anything. I didn't realize I'd been away from the blog for that long!
The divorce is finally finished. It was distinctly unpleasant for both of us. Understatement, that.;)
I was surprised at how unhappy he'd seemed that final day in court. He actually seemed more devastated!Was it an act? An award worthy performance? Didn't seem so.
I figured he'd be thrilled at my lack of fight, my lack of greed, my lack of lawyer. The fact that it had all been so clean and I'd kept it to financial matters only, and even deliberately kept out things I wasn't supposed to know about (but did) financially, in order to end it quickly. I didn't care anymore, I was walking away from the fight. He knew that. So why did he seem so sad, upset?
I wondered about that for too long afterwards.

So it's taken time to get over it. The longest chapter of my life. The childhood sweetheart aspect made it worse. These are the people that help form us.
I didn't want to write or communicate for a long time because I felt too sad and bitter. Plus I was exhausted. I still feel tired...

But just lately I am starting to feel that I might be waking from an epic bad dream. Spring is here.
Winter and my marriage are past now. The air outside is sweet. I walk along and think:
"Oh please, let this tiny feeling of hope grow!
Don't let it be a fleeting thing that dies too soon before it even really lives!"
Because I do have some hope now. :)

And I also *hope* all is well for everyone here! Thanks for not forgetting about me!:) xoxo