Saturday, April 28, 2007

Kitten Calender Reunion Show

Friday, April 27, 2007

Major Accomplishment Yesterday...

I did it. I filed a response. I filed for divorce.
There were these "Family Court Facilitators" at the courthouse, they are wonderful!
And free, regardless of financial income! Although there are filing fees but you can even get those waived under certain circumstances..
They make it far more complicated with the legal wording and paperwork than it needs to be, understatement of the year, belaboring the obvious, I realize. Heheh, I just basically said the equivalent of "the sky is blue." eh? :)

Anyway, they helped a lot! And now I need to get the papers to him, delivered, whatever. Today was the cutoff date for filing a response, so I was lucky to get that in on time!
I'm scared, though. I'm trying to figure out how to do this without having to hear any crap. Or worse.
And yet I need to get him the papers asap because he also has limited time and he was prompt with my papers.
Shit. :(
I want to say more but I shouldn't.
You can pay people to do this, but I don't have the money. And you can have the cops
do it, but that's not cool, and besides, I'd have to warn him first on that. Ask him if he minds the sheriff showing up at his work. Or his home. I would not just do that to someone. He didn't do that to me, even. I remember distinctly not wanting that.
So there needs to be a certain level of consideration.

Except that now, with the response,I'm not sure if I should see him. Have him come here and have my neighbor sign it off.
What was I thinking?
Suddenly I just got hit with this overwhelming feeling of dread. I have to call him, and tell him that the papers are filed and I need to get them to him...He'll ask what they said, if I "lawyered up"
and what did I check on the boxes? What am I asking for? On the phone. He won't even want to wait to see. He'll start interrogating me, I'll blow it, somehow, no matter what I say, and I can't even think from there. I'm getting scared. I think he still loves me, and hates me, too. Because I really am not this bad person that would deserve such rotten treatment from him.
I want to explain myself but I can't! But I just hope nothing bad happens to me.
I have to figure this out.But i'm having a bit of a panic attack, I think. :(

Saturday, April 21, 2007

My 3rd piece...

Ok, here's the link:

The video is supposed to play here:

It's up at Maria's, after determining that my computer is up to some mischief.
Which is why my attempts didn't work.:(
The 3rd piece of mine, after an almost all day attempt to get this thing up.
Maria made the most beautiful video for me to accompany my piece. She captured the joy I was feeling. I also had said that this was my most musically precocious piece, that's true. I'm actually very pleased with this one. In one sense I did try to make this one complex. Musically. Tech wise, noooo , hehe ;)
It took two tries , two sittings, before I really got the hang of things.

*note* This was guitar, vocals, and my own hand claps and drum rolls. I focused more on the piece itself contrasting and flowing properly and consistently. I literally recorded this right into the front of my computer without previously recording anything! And yet I was concentrating on 50 trillion notes and contrasts. :) I love it.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Kitten Calender#4 The Finale!:)

Final Sitting Finished...

Boohoo. :(
And yet I'm happy, and feel blessed to have been a part of this. I love my 3rd song the most, I think. I also believe it's the best of the 3. I told someone that it's the most
"musically precocious" of the 3. In fact I felt I had more of a clue. But I also had the most fun with it.The other two songs have some not-so-bad-parts to them, but there was a lot of lag and drag in between. And I don't want people to have to sit through that...Strictly my fault, I admit. I was just getting the hang of things and had made some bad beat choices, etc..
Although now the 3rd song, that's different. No lag and drag. I'll see if I can figure out how to upload it here.
I chose a pic from their choices, going for a specific match in the mood/feel I was going for.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

More Feelings Of Joy...

Songs are like audio puzzles to me, puzzles made of sound, and I love working these puzzles. Because there is a beauty and symmetry in putting the pieces together and having them fit. :)
And when they fit together, the payoff is...pure joy. :)
Partly for this reason I am really enjoying the Method.
But the other part is that The Method makes it seem like an internal reading somehow, but almost like magic,
or fortune telling. Or astrology, perhaps, which is based on some sort of scientific perspective.

It almost seems like magic combined with technology, and it's fun!

And makes one have more questions, the same way magic does, actually.
"How'd they do that?" and "what does it mean?"
"Are they really reading my mind?"

Thanks for The Method, Pete! It's wonderful! :D

Monday, April 16, 2007

And Now," Feelings Of Joy" :)

I've been having a lot of fun with a certain project. I'm not finished, and it has nothing to do with any of the problems in my life. I don't want to be finished with this particular project, not just yet. :)

I figure everyone knows and is having fun with it themselves, too. Or are finished already. You could say I'm just "Sitting around." Heheh...:)
It actually gave me feelings of joy when I was listening to my 1st song, even though
it's more somber to begin with and continues that way for awhile. It was when it changed and lightened that I suddenly felt joy.
I am happy tonight. Even if it's fleeting, I felt joy tonight. I am loving this "project"!

and I wish the same joy for all of you! :):):)

A Tragic Day In America :( ...

Monday, April 16, 2007. They are calling it "Massacre at Virginia Tech" on MSNBC.
Since the death toll may rise I can't say if it will be more than 33 dead and 26 wounded. What's worse, I heard a little while ago that they are now saying there was a second gunman after all, that got away. But I need to check all the facts on this, it just happened earlier today. So things are still coming out.
They are saying that it's the worst mass shooting in US history. Unbelievable.
Terrible. I'm just sick about this.:(:(:(
A moment of silence isn't enough, I know.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Kitten Calender 3

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Easter Is Hope...

Happy Easter everyone. This is what Easter represents to me. It's a hopeful
holiday. A holiday based upon the restoring of faith and hope. And surely that's not bad. Even if you aren't a Christian you can feel it. When I was a kid it was probably the happiest of holidays in our house. My mom was happy and didn't have the pressure of Christmas. She seemed to delight in preparing secret gifts in a way that she didn't during Christmas.
We always had the best gifts on Easter, too. Sometimes it would be a combo of the needed and the extravagant. New shoes, sneakers, but stuffed with these special candies that she'd gotten from God knows where. They were like artwork. Little faces with such detail, with lots of different colors - too pretty to eat! I never did see candy like that again.

We would always do something fun later, too. Usually outdoors. Easter was also about nature and growth, newness. Yes, chicks and bunnies. It was nice to see my mom happy
( fairly predictably, too!)on this day. And the days leading up to it, actually.
But is it any wonder that there is a feeling of hope in the air at Easter? :)

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Kitten Calender #1

Friday, April 06, 2007

Happy Easter Weekend Everyone!

I figure that even if one doesn't celebrate the Christian Easter, they can celebrate the holiday weekend, the Spring aspect of it. Even if the weather is gray and gloomy (like it is here). I like Easter for the celebration of chocolate and bunnies and chicks. I love the brightly colored Easter baskets in the stores, it's all so cheerful!
It's the celebration of Spring and newness that I personally love. I know that it's also THE big day in the Christian world. So I admit that I especially wish my Christian friends a Happy Easter, I know that this is a most meaningful time for them.
Happy Easter weekend everyone!:)

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Humorous Confession...

Well, since I've been confessing things all over the place lately, I'll lighten up with a funny but true confession:
The drunken home perm WAS, in fact, a disaster. Not just in the fact that I'd fused my contact lens to my eyes, but also for what happened to my hair later. I'd spoken far too soon when declaring it a success. Yep.
Notice something in my pics these days? Has anyone noticed? Heheh...

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I took this picture just now with my cam. Confession: I burned the hell out of the front of my head, my scalp! And some of my hair fell out right in front! Only a little bit, but I also had to cut off what WAS still there because it was so burned! It was melted! So I was posting old profile pics for awhile, thankfully being a narcissist I had plenty, heheh, and then I started
posting more recent pics, but hair done in a certain way.
This is why all the hair bands and combs.
I miss my Jesus style hair. I feel like Samson right now.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

A Bit Of Good News For Me!

Something good happened today for me. It doesn't have anything to do with my ex, but
in a way that's even better. Because he can't take it away from me. I'm afraid to say more partly because it hasn't happened yet. I want to say more but I can't! Shouldn't!
But I did want you all to share my good news, too. Even if you don't know why. :)
Chicky Woo says "Cheer Up!"

- - -

Ok, I know that was too damned cutesy-poo but I couldn't help it.:)