Monday, July 24, 2006

That new song has morphed- an additional chord and more improvisational lead. 2:06
Still sad-sounding.
Hope everyone is surviving the heat! That's no joke, either. Not at 108 F here, Damn!
Here's one more improv lead experimentation.2:09.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Potential lead for the new song and different guitar effect on chords.
In a remorseful, depressed mood lately. I shouldn't have took him back. I know he's not reading this, which is why I feel ok to write it( Though I'm trying not to use his name). He really snowed me for awhile there.
What happened is that he changed while we were apart, for the worse. I changed for the better, he changed for the worse. Like drinking a lot.He never drank a lot when we were together. Now he drinks every night.Yep. :(
That should probably say a lot right there. We aren't spending quite as much time together lately, and I find I don't care. It's like a break from the bullshit. I just wish I could get certain computer problems ironed out. I miss everyone.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

New song that I came up with last night!Part of a song anyway. Maybe I should amend that to "A set of chords that I am really feeling right now". These are some satisfying chords to me at this moment in time. One minute 55 seconds.
Music heals once again.:)

Monday, July 17, 2006

Hot as Hell...

Inertia. Lethargy. Surely I'm not the only one feeling this way! Sorry I haven't been around, it's just too damned hot! 102 degrees farenheit here! I think it's making me sick! And cranky. I admit it. >:(
And I almost think others are sick from the heat, too. Or just lethargic.
Thanks to everyone who has been there for me lately, seeing me through my blues and blahs.
Anyway, I was working on the other lead idea, untitled original. This is only 49 seconds.
The greatest thing for me with this webcam musical diary: I have such a mental block when it comes to reading music (the traditional way), I really have always seen music in color. When it comes to trying to jot down musical ideas for myself, I either have to record it, or draw those tablature w/ the guitar strings. So this webcam thing has been like a Godsend for me, really!
Speaking of which, here is the video clip. I'm happy with my progress on this already.
Have a good week everyone!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

With throat spray and antibiotics in the background, she works on a different lead for a another song...Finally! Since I can't use my voice right now, this is why I am working on leads lately. This is only about 48 seconds. This is a lead needed for another Why? Themed song that I wrote. I played this one a long time ago. This is one of the 1st originals I ever posted with my cam. Never did work out a lead for it, but I actually have quite a few words for this one.
The cool thing about the cam and this blog, it's like a post-it note for me. But for music. I have a little riff I want to remember, so I just record it with the cam and post it here. And then I don't forget it, but I can also see it with a different perspective.
Anyway, Happy Sunday. I just made this clip a little while ago. Sipping morning coffee.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Born Under A Bad Sign...

My profile pic right now is great. This is what my mother and my maternal grandfather looked like when they were pissed. I see now that the only difference is my hair color. Much lighter than theirs.
My biological father was German. But my face, that's my mother and her father looking back at me! My mom had a most intense stare, and so did my grampa. My brother and I used to wither under these sorts of gazes.
I should put a link here for when I change my profile pic, you can still click and see the one I'm referencing here...Hard stare

I'm going to be candid because I have to be. I haven't been doing ok lately. I've been doing a lot of "Why Me?" and thinking about my mother and how unhappy she was. Yes, it started when I began to write that song "Life Isn't Fair" that mentions my mother's face. And how she looked so sad when she told me that life wasn't fair. That really happened. How sad she was so much of the time!
I've been thinking about my mom ever since that song. Different things happened in my life recently, you guys all know that. People came back into my life and turned everything upside down. I haven't been around so much since then.

I have a certain amount of shame. That's what part of it is. I'm laying low because I'm ashamed of myself for having been weak. Not saying No to a certain someone.
It's the conscious mind versus the heart.
But I'm going off-topic. My mother.
She lost her sister and her mother, on Nov 16 -several years before I was born, and allegedly the night I was born also.
I personally believe my mother hated me for this. Always.
For the longest time I never knew why she hated me, but I always knew I was not the fave.That's an understatement. And she had told me a few things about when I was born that had made me know I wasn't welcome. Well, she'd long ago told me that I was an accident and my brother was planned.
But I later when I was 18, 20, found the ancient family bible. To my shock and horror there were death certificates in there, that gave up this info. Yep, I'm not lying or making this up. I was born under a bad sign. November 16 in my family was a death day.My mother's twin sister and also her mother died on November 16. My birthday. Both the night I was born, and several years before then but also on 11-16..
Today I wonder if I am cursed. I never fell into this line of thinking before now.
My mother told me on more than one occasion that she thought she was cursed. So many horrible things had happened to my mother that I believed her.
Anyway. I need to move on to happier subjects. I am recovering from being really sick with strep throat, had to go to the doc and get medicine, antibiotics... So this might be coming from an unwell mental place.Forgive me.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Monday, July 03, 2006

Ok, this really is it for this one. 2:22. It's the full song, sort of.
I'm exorcising an old demon, something like that."So you wanna go? Go ahead and go.
Watch out girls there's a liar running free"
The sound is surprisingly clear due to the fact that I shut off the air-conditioner momentarily...
Happy 4th of July for those that celebrate it!
*Note* Remember, my face looks fried because it is. Bright red and peeling.It's hideous!Chemical peel. Looks great when it heals.:)

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Ok this is it, I swear! It's 1:17 or something! Just a minute and a half of your time. :) I'm really happy with this now, it's the solo for my song about " Watch out girls there's a liar running free." I'll practice it until it's completely smooth and polished, and fluid. But the formula for this one is now laid out. I'm happy about this development! Big difference in a day's practice, too. This one is way better than yesterday's version, I think!

In other news I'm using this to keep my mind off other matters. My blog pic was taken
yesterday. I think I like posting profile pics that show what mood I'm in. I know I change them frequently. But a pics worth a thousand words.
Hope everyone is well and happy.
UPDATE******Much better!Cleaned up,put together "for real"!New version of lead is one minute exactly! *note* my face is horribly burned,blotchy, red, peeling. If you are thinking my face looks hideous, this is why. It's boint.:)