Thursday, June 30, 2005


I got to thinking about the songs that I have now done in public
at kareoke. It's fun! Terrifying, but fun.
And if you feel that you've done well, then it can be a total rush
when people are all clapping. Good for what ails ya.
Good for what ails ME, anyway.

So I got to making a list of all the songs I've done, and wow, they
add up! Let me see...Hmm...
some of them are sooo funny ( Three Little Pigs by Green Jello - I did all the voices myself)!
I'm just having a good time.

Burden in my hand Soundgarden
Easy To Be Hard 3 dog night
Fairies Wear Boots ( I LOVE this, it ROCKS) Black Sabbath
War Pigs ( also rocks) Black Sabbath

Scheiss. I left the list in the car. I actually brought it Saturday
night because it was easier than trying to figure out new songs, and not singing
at all. Besides, I did "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" Lenny Kravitz,
" Voices Carry" Til Tuesday. They were on my list.
I try to do new ones every week. But I've noticed that I tend to get distracted
once I'm there, and seeing/talking to people. Drinking. And then I forget what
I'd planned on singing, hence the list idea.

BTW, That til tuesday song, wow. Awesome. She's so naked in that song.
Damn. I actually was a little verklempt at the end of singing that one, and I haven't
done it again. Felt really naked. But I did get a good response, people seemed to like it.

Ha! The first time that I ever did Black Sabbath, it was War Pigs, and it was funny,
so funny. Because everyone was doing cheesy stuff all night, and I was sick of it! And
I'd noticed to my surprise, that War Pigs was actually in the book of songs. I wrestled
with it, the idea of doing it, and then said the hell with it. I want to hear some rock,
even if I have to sing it myself.
One can only listen to "Landslide" by Stevie Nicks/The Dixie Chicks so many times in one night!
It turned out to be a defining moment in my singing publicly. I wasn't ever used
to singing in front of people. I'd actually done some studio stuff, vocals, for this guy from
Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. A VERY long time ago.

I was afraid to sing in front of people, in public, and this was/is a good way to conquer that
fear. THAT was my original reason for trying to kareoke, but it's really become a fun
way to spend a Saturday night. Met a lot of neat people that I now consider to be friends.
Of some sort, anyway. LOL Maybe they are fellow drinking/kareoke buddies. Of all ages and
backgrounds and sexes and ethnicities.
It's neat.
Kinda snowballed into a little "thing". And people have the neatest lives, their stories.
It's been surprising me lately, the people I have met in that little bar.
I need to get my list out of the car, because I want to copy my list here, so that I won't lose it.

Sometime I might write about people at the bar. That's why I'm mentioning this stuff.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Tom The Dork Revisted...

Wow, timely remarks about Tom Cruise in my last
blog. Duh, he has a movie out, yes. But I didn't know
he was going to attack Matt Lauer of the Today show,
on the subject of Ritalin, etc. Scientology.

Looks like Tom is becoming the zealot, the fanatic.
I saw clips from the interview this morning on the news,
and he looked like Mel Gibson. That look that came into the eyes,
Mel had that same look when he told one interviewer " Leave it alone"
when asked aboutMels' father's beliefs. It's the same look that Kamikaze
pilots and certain Muslims and Baptist preachers have.

Tom's an idiot, but he's a lunatic, also. I hate it when celebs get rich and famous,
as actresses, actors, and suddenly they are qualified to be the last word about everything.
Maybe if you were famous for being, say, a scientist ( NOT a scientologist)
or a doctor, I really WOULD be interested on your viewpoints about important world issues.
I'm talking about if you are going to really become a loudmouth to the media, and
try to get your message to the world, and be self righteous and patronizing, condescending
like that. He's an ACTOR. Not a brain surgeon or neurologist. He basically called
everyone in the entire world stupid, if they believe in the benefits of medicine,
anti-depressants. Told Matt Lauer that he was ignorant.
Told Brooke Shields thst SHE didn't know anything about being a mother. Damn. LOL


I wonder if the head cultists are whispering to Tom " Um, Hey, Tom? Uh, couldja
pull back there a little? Ease up in the interviews?"
Because this is going to shine a negative light onto the world of Scientology, and probably have the opposite effect of what Tom is hoping to accomplish with his funny spew.
I bet he would be funny to witness in an argument. He really IS so damned goofy in
real life. : )

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Katie and Tom...

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Is that her name?
Wow, Tom Cruise ...what a dork. I mean, you can tell
that he seems to be a likeable enough guy, but damn.
What a dork! And yet he is a good actor, at least I thought so
when I saw Born on the 4th of July.
That was before I knew he was an "S".
And that's the whole reason I am writing about Mr. Cruise.
Obviously Katie H. must be willing to bite the Scientology bullet.
There, I said it. The " S" word. I remember in the early days of the web,
the "S" people were suing everyone. Interpol broke into some guys house in Denmark,
I believe, because he had the hutzpah to post "S" dogma online, speak out against
the S people. You notice I don't like to say the "S" word. It's because I've seen people
that were otherwise very brave become very cautious online about this subject. My
ex, for example. If you knew my ex, it would definitely give you pause to hear his caution.
We've done research about the "S" people. Enough to know that the "S' s have a very flaky
dogma, invented by a crackpot charlatan. I've read books about L.R., the founder of "S" and I know.
After I read up on "S", I started paying attention to who in Hollywood, in the media, was
an " S". When I found out John Travolta was one, and Tom Cruise, I vowed to boycott
their movies. Which I have done. I DID see Pulp Fiction, but HA! That was a pirated copy.
Ain't no money o' mine going to " S" if I can help it.
I hate it that I don't know all of the people that are. Let's see...Kirstie Alley. Um, I think a few
of the kids from that 70's show. But that show sucks anyway. At least, it's not the bastion of wit.

If anyone knows any other " S" actors/actresses out there, let me know! I remember what
the "S" have done in the name of censoring the internet, from the early days of the internet.
They were sue-happy, bursting into people's houses with warrants, that dared speak out against them online.
It was amazing and unbelievable. And they still are pulling this stuff!

If you think I sound paranoid, do some research. The " S" lead the pack, worse than any
Republican or Democrat, on censorship. You should see the things they've done in the name of protecting
"S". No one is allowed to say ANYTHING bad about them online. The people that have
been brave enough to expose them have suffered for it, dearly. They will call your work, and report the things that they've hired a private investigator for, to dig up dirt on you.
I am citing specific examples.
I know I sound nuts, but if you have been online for awhile, surely you know what I'm talking about. And if you don't know, then it's worth it to read up a little. You'll get pissed, if you believe in free speech.
On the surface, some of what they preach makes sense. At the beginning. But many thousands of dollars later,
you will find out that your "religion" is based on aliens in Hawaii, Xenu. Zenu.
Remember, LR was a failed Sci-fi writer.
I'd better stop now. I don't want my house to get raided or my internet service suddenly shut down.
But seriously, if anyone knows of any other "S" celebs, let me know. I make a point of
avoiding their work.
I long ago learned to separate the artist from the art. I've had to.
But in the case of the "S"s, I just can't. I know where their money goes, and towards what purpose. I don't want to inadvertantly put a single penny in the pocket of an actor that is going to turn it over to the" S", to pay their lawyers to sue people that dare speak the truth online.
I would advise anyone else that knows about the "S"' to boycott their movies.
It's easy, when so much cinema these days is crap or re-hash anyway.
In one commercial break, literally, I saw an ad for Dukes of Hazzard, Bewitched, and Willy Wonka. Remakes. I'm not kidding, ONE commercial break. So lame.

Hollywood is so tired. The studios, whatever. Obviously they need new brains .
It's the same old thing these days ( as usual), a tired retelling with new faces and new technology, but old, familiar story. Yet another remake. Plural. Tired retellings with new faces and new technology.
What they don't realize is that people like me just tune out, if the plot isn't there.
They could spend millions as they do, on special effects, and I'll be making a grocery list in my mind, or worse yet, I'll walk out. One of the last times I ever paid to see a movie. I laughed in inappropriate places, which made other people laugh. That was cool. But it wasn't enough to prevent me from walking out.
It's sad, what they don't know :
We received tickets to the movies, for Christmas one year. Free tickets, that someone had paid
for. Movie tickets. Worth what, 30 bucks? 20? Something like that.
So I have movie tickets. You know what happened? Due to the extreme CRAP that
came out the upcoming year, the tickets expired! We never used them! It wasn't that we
forgot about them , it's that not ONE picture that year was worth getting off our asses and going down the street and handing in the slips of paper. And that's bad!!! You know it's bad,
when people have FREE tickets to see any movie they want, and they decline and let the tickets expire. And the theater is like a half mile away.

I also particularly hate when Hollywood makes movies from books. The Witches of Eastwick.
John Updike. I LOVED that book.
The movie? WTF? Did they ass rape you, John? What happened? Oh, I get it, it was that
Brinks truck full of money that they pulled up and unloaded on your front lawn.
I later saw the movie and told my friend " I am going to completely forget the book, and pretend that this is an original movie". And I was able to enjoy it more. Because it really had bothered me, how different the movie was, in so many major ways!
BTW, I would recommend that book to anyone ( NOT the movie), and I would tell them to read it. Because the movie made it really hearts and flowers. The book is gnarly.
It's great. The witches actually get jealous because this other young girl witch comes on the scene, and they kill her. All kinds of stuff. A strange and cool book. Actually maybe one of my faves.
Not at all necessarily a chick-book.
My main point:
Tom Cruise is a likeable, funny dork, and a flaky "S".
And if anyone knows of any other " S" celebs, let me know. Seriously.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Quagmire of Misfortune...

I'm actually going through a bunch of bad stuff right now. It's
part of this quagmire of misfortune I have been immersed in for the past
couple of years. I'm hoping that if I can what, wade? Dogpaddle? Through
this and make it out alive, that it will clear the way for another spell of relative
calm and even perhaps even some good events ocurring.

I'm being quiet about all the stuff currently going on. I want to talk about
it, but it's all just so personal. Believe it or not, it's hard for me to write about my personal
I had problems last year with a guy that was stalking me, a clerk at 7-11. I'd never seen the
guy before, I just recently had moved in to an apartment, by myself ( the divorce), and I walk to the 7-11 up the street.
The clerk starts talking to me, joking around, when no one is around and I'm paying
for my stuff.
He asks me where I live, I hesitate, and he says " Oh that's ok, I already know where you live.
You're my neighbor."
From there he asks if I'm married, I say yes, because he's already creeped me out that much.
He says " I don't see your husband around much."
From there it got worse.
The thing is, I was telling anyone and everyone after this who would listen, this guy is bothering me,
he's now stalking me, I think he cut my phone line. He was harrassing people that would
come over to see me, and ask them about me. I heard this from friends that came to visit me.
" That guy was at the foot of the stairs asking about you again." He would loiter at my mailbox
because he seemed to know when I would get my mail.
All kinds of stuff. He had told me that very first time that I saw him, that he could get keys
to any apartment, because he babysat the Apt. manager's kids. Yep. The night that I think he cut my phone line, I slept with my cell phone, and I actually thought when I woke that morning
that he'd been in my apartment that night while I was asleep. There was evidence, to me.

My front door was unlocked and ever-so-slightly open. Imagine how that felt. I get up in the morning, and see that my door is open. When I know, because I was so terrified, that I had deadbolted it the night before. I specifically remember checking the door, of course! I thought he'd cut my phone line that very night!
So of course I made sure the front door was locked before going to bed.
You can see why I believe he did that. Just to show me he could, I think.
Because nothing was otherwise changed.

Anyway, right when things went from bad to waaay worse, he turned himself in to the police.
Turned out he saw himself on the AMW web site, he was going to be featured on Americas Most Wanted that week. For raping a 12 yr old girl in Northern Calif. He apparently had fled to NY city where he lived for awhile, and then when the heat was getting turned up there, he came
down here to Southern Calif.
This was all a nightmare for me, and I remember it as an extremely unhappy time. : (
I remember when he was caught, I was glad, but also still scared and upset. I had
no one, no one helping me or looking out for me. This perv knew that. It was literally about 1-2
days from this incident with my phone line and door, that he turned himself in. I got lucky.
BTW, it was weird. He was a big kid, probably no more that 18- 20 at the oldest. But already
such a predatory monster.

I don't even know why I mentioned that.
Oh, I remember. Just, trying to point out that I have had many bad things happen the
last coupla years, and I haven't mentioned most of them because it's upsetting and so
personal. The deaths and losses, but also a lot of other bad stuff that I haven't talked about.

I'm going through a gnarly health scare right now. My body has been falling apart the past
couple of years, it's like all the emotional and mental trauma is breaking me down. I had
pneumonia for about 3-4 months this year. I almost died because I had a bad reaction to one
of the antibiotics. And it made it take that much longer to get over it.
Someone's been trying to take over my identity or something, and I keep having to try and outwit them and keep on my toes ( my credit card had fraudulent charges, and a whole buncha
other shit has been going on in this subject). That's a whole story that I'm not going to get into right now.
My point:
It's adding up, 6 losses and deaths in the past 2 years, my parents, my husband, Mike, etc.
Ginky the 10-yr old puffer. AMW stalker guy. Etc.Etc. There are a whooole lotta things I'm
leaving out.
I'm dogpaddling in the quagmire, and I may go under because even a 1/3 of this shit would be enough for anyone to lose their fucking minds.

p.s. How I found out about stalker kid was an email that my ex sent me. It was an email with
a picture, and it was the kid. It said " Do you know this guy?"
And it was exploding all over the news, and I didn't know it. The kid had just turned himself
in and it was on TV.
My ex DID getalarmed when I replied to the email with an excited " Thats the guy that won't leave me alone and cut my phone line!"

Anyway, shit happens, I spose. : (
But I don't have to pretend to be happy about it.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

BattleBot Cactus and the Home Lobotomy 2...

The Story Continues...

So I finally get BattleBot safe and protected from the elements,
and I look down, and sure enough, there's blood all down the front of my
chest, on my neck, my hair on the right side of my head is soaked. And I
have really long, thick hair, this was a lot of blood to be soaking my hair.

Blood all over the place, and even as I look in the mirror to see the damage,
it's coming out the side of my head. The flow was slowing, because the entrance
wound was squeezing shut as it swelled.
But when it was fresh, when the needle was first removed and if I'd cared to want to
look, I would've seen blood spraying or spurting out in a relentless flow. I could definitely
feel it pouring down my neck and chest.
It really WOULD have made an excellent little video to pass around in email.
Can't you picture it? " Cactus Needle Through Temple "

Um, let's see...the aftermath...

I waited a few minutes, and tried to just clean it up, assess the damage. I was pretty
freaked out. Traumatized, whatever you'd want to call it. Stunned.
As time went on, the area swelled hugely. It was only a few minutes, but it was hugely
swollen and what's worse, I was having problems with ear and sinus pressure. I was beginning
to feel pretty uncomfortable, in truth. The swelling was causing all kind of pressure problems
and adjustments, and my whole side of my face and head was hurting.

The thing that was really concerning me was the area where it entered, and that orange
stuff in the base of the needles. Surely that pumps the substance through the entire needle.
And I know how even the slightest contact I've had with those needles, minor scratch or poking of the fingertip, irritated my skin badly.
And here was a deeeep puncture wound, the radius of the entrance was now swelled to the size of a small egg, almost. I went ahead and called the ER.

I forgot! This happened on a holiday, where everyone had Monday off! It was a Monday.
And raining very hard, and a mudslide blocked off the street one block over that I
wouldve needed to take to drive myself to the hospital. News vans and helicopters and looky loos were swarming all over the place. Covering the mudslide for TV.
I didn't feel like it was really an ambulance or ER situation, but I wanted to talk to a nurse to
have her tell me if I should be putting on it, and also I wanted to know if there were any glands or nodes or
any sort of important organs in there ( the cochlea?), at the needle entrance site. Um, I haven't really explained
properly where the entrance site actually was.
My ear was really hurting, as I said. It got worse and worse. My jaw and ear were hurting and
feeling odd.
So that is why I called the ER. My docs office was closed, etc. Holiday.

I'm leaving out some details.
I had examined the cactus, the section that fell against my head. The thing is, it had to be
one of the longest spikes, because those stick out the most. Literally. The shorter, younger
spikes by design aren't as protruding.
So I examined the section of the cactus and discovered one needle that looked a little darker
at the tip. I figured it was the one that stuck me. So I clipped it off the plant, and measured it, etc.
I was trying to figure out how far it actually went into my head. And how thick the needles were. The hole looked huge, when I initially looked. Now it was swelled shut.
I also did an experiment where I poked my fingertip with very little pressure, to see how far
the needle would go in.

The results of all of this stuff made me call the ER. I figured out that it had actually gone deep
into my head, I didn't want to believe it, but the evidence was there.
So I get a nurse and explain what happened. She asks me a few questions, and I laughingly
tell her the answers. It's like I can't really believe what happened myself and I know it sounds funny in the retelling.
"How far do you think it went in? "
I lie " About a half inch"
" What? You HAVE to come in. You say that it went in just above your ear, slightly
in front of your ear."
" You have to come in."
I actually had thought the needle went in an inch at least, based upon the evidence,
and was trying to downplay the injury after realizing that she was actually wanting me
to try and go down there. I didn't have anyone to take me, as I said before, I was pretty
shaken up by the whole thing. I was afraid I'd have an accident.

So, I just basically let it go, watched it so see if any infection developed. The nurse was
worried about an infection from the cactus developing deep. Because it wasn't
sterile, and because the poison in the cactus.
If any symptoms developed, or anything, I would've gone the next day or after. But I seem to
be ok.

I learned some neat things, though.
BattleBot has given me some wonderful weapons, I discovered that I could walk up to someone
and theoretically drive a spike astonishingly deep into their forehead before they knew what
happened. Eyes? Forget it. Artery in neck? Too easy.
The spikes are so amazingly sharp.
So that's the story. In between my temple and my ear, a giant needle was driven into my head.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

BattleBot Cactus and the Home Lobotomy...

Better a bottle in front o' me, than a frontal lobotomy.
Better a canopy above me bed, than a can o' pee below me bed. : D

It was raining very hard recently. Very hard. I have this
much- loved cactus , I'm not even sure what kind it is. I have
never seen one like it before. It's now about 2 1/2 feet high, with
6-inch spikes jutting out all over it. The spikes are extra lethal-looking,
because the base of each needle has about an inch worth of some neon orange
color. It's some kind of poison, an irritant to my skin when I've poked myself
on them.
After the incident( the incident I am about to tell you about), I measured one of
the needles. I even measured the width of the needle. They were about 1/8 of an
inch thick at the base of the needle. Of course, the needles were all in various stages
of growth. But most are between 4-6 inches long..
I have had this remarkable cactus that I named " BattleBot" for about 7 years.
I LOVE this cactus. ( BTW, I wish I had a digital camera. I would be posting all kinds
of pics here)
BattleBot used to have a sister, a more petite version of BattleBot.
The El Nino rains a long time ago wiped out Lady BattleBot, I didn't know that a
cactus could explode, drown, I don't know what you would call it. Went out there
after the rains and there was something that looked like a wet greenish- black garbage bag
with spikes drooped down over the the pot, like that savador dali picture where the clock is
kind of dripping/draping over a tree limb or something. That's what Lady B looked like.

So with the rains recently, I became afraid that BattleBot might drown like his sister.
It was raining EXTREMELY HARD when I went out there to try and rescue BattleBot.
I may have even been in my nightgown and barefoot, it was an emergency. I had looked out at the rain from the door and spied BattleBot out there with his pot completely overflowing with rain water. He was probably going to meet the same tragic death as Lady BattleBot.

I had previously made reference to a freak accident, one that might make a "cool"
jackass- style clip . The kind that people email to each other.
This is the setup for the freak accident, and if you didn't get any hint of what I'm writing about,
or especially if you are squeamish, afraid of needles, anything
like that, you've been warned. You may not want to read this upcoming part.
I reiterate : If I had a digital camera, I'd post pics of all kinds of stuff, including BattleBot.

So I run out there in the rain, to pour out the water that is overflowing his pot. In the process,
( I was crouched down, holding him in the one place I wouldn't get poked with needles, and withthe other hand trying to tilt the pot to pour the water out. I was obviously trying to be
very careful, but when I went to tilt the pot, I'd apparently forgotten just how heavy
BattleBot has grown over the years. Plus he'd grown an arm in the last couple of years. It was was my undoing. The weight of the cactus and the precarious way I was trying to support it,
it fell with all it's weight against my head, and drove one of the 6 inch long spikes into my head.
I quickly remedied the situation, and in fact, I got the water poured out of his pot, and I brought
him inside to protect him fromt the weather.
But as I was carrying B in, and in fact pretty instantaneously upon contact with the needle, I had felt copious amounts of cold wet liquid pouring down the side of my face and down my neck and chest.
I wasn't letting myself look down until I'd finished my task at hand. I was actually thinking, and
I may have said it out loud " Oh shit, you gotta be kidding me" .
Because I had a really bad feeling about what I was going to see.
HA! Now you see why I got kind of dizzy trying to write about it yesterday!
And I'm feeling that way right now!
I'm seeing a pattern here. Write about the cactus through-the- temple story, get dizzy.
I AM taking another break.

Something Weird That Happened Recently...

It's funny, the kinds of weird things that can happen when no one is around.
When you see things or experience things that you wish you had a witness for.
I can remember things that other people have told me, things that they'd
wished others had seen, and I believed what they were telling me.

Cool Cholo guy that lived over in Logan Heights, was walking home one night,
it was dark, and he was already on guard. If you know where this is, you'd
understand why he was on guard.
He's crossing the street, kinda buzzed, mellow homie dude. So he's crossing the street, and he
sees a dog standing on the corner. A pit bull, a scary looking dog, just standing there. It's on the loose. It appears to have something, a toy in it's mouth. Just standing there.
He gives it a wide path, keeps walking, passes the dog. The dog was growling a little, like he thought the guy wanted to take the toy away from it.
Now, he told us that he was stoned, so we knew that. So it made sense when he said :

" I dunno, I saw the dog and what he had in his mouth, but it didn't register until it ran away,
it was like my brain wasn't getting it. What was in the dogs mouth
was a giant rubber dildo. One of those foot long giant black double- headed dildos.
And no one was around to see it! I swear this is true!"

Yep, I believed the dude when he told us this. A co-worker from a way long time ago.

I, too, had an odd incident involving an animal with something in it's mouth. I think
that's what precipitated that conversation, in the first place. The animals-with -weird-things-in-their-mouths topic.

I was sitting and watching some birds, having a peaceful moment, trees, grass, birds.
I had actually had a couple of odd bird experiences here. I wished I'd had a camera of
some sort for them.
I'm looking on, enjoying the smell of the air and rustling of the leaves in the trees
in the breeze, and a little bird lands in front of me. A cute little bird, I believe he is
a finch of some kind.
A feisty, brave little thing! Why do I think he's feisty? I guess it's because he had a bright orange mohawk on the top of his little head, a luxurious mane of bright orange hair. A small, solid grayish colored bird, standing in front of me. Now, I needed glasses at this time, and I remember that it took me a minute to focus in and see that he also had a party favor in his little beak!
I am not kidding you!

A tiny bird with bright orange mohawk and a party favor in his beak landed in front of me. And was looking at me. It was one of those party favors that is a noisemaker and has the silver tinsel strands and is a plastic
whistle sort of thing. It doesn't make a whistling noise, it actually makes a sort of horn noise,
and you blow them on New Years, etc.
I used to keep a bunch of them at my first apartment, and when we were partying and
listening to stuff like " 21st Century Schizoid Man " by King Crimson, I'd pull these out to use for the long Mission Impossible jam.

Anyway, the bird sat and looked at me, I looked at him, wished I'd had a camera, and he
flew away.
I was a little upset, because I felt if I tried to tell someone what I'd seen, they wouldn't believe
me. I've had quite a few experiences in my life that were like that.

I later saw the same kind of bird, sans tinsel horn, and I also realize the logical explanation
is that birds DO like shiny things, and DO collect shiny things. That was a total score for that
little birdie, I'm sure. He probably stopped on his way home when he saw me sitting there,
to see if I had any food to share.
So yes, there is a valid explanation. A little bird with an orange dayglo mohawak and a silver
party noisemaker in it's little beak landed in front of me, I swear. : )

But I still haven't even gotten to the recent freak accident that happened to me, just a minor thing. I believe I may have given myself a home lobotomy, lol.
Actually, this story may not be for squeamish people. This is hilarious, but
it IS rather um, how do I describe it? I know.
It would've made excellent footage to go around in people's emails, kinda jackass style.
Like how some dude will eat pavement while skateboarding, and break his arm in sort
sort of socket- defying angle, and everyone says " SIIICK!"
What happened to me recently was a little like that. Oh, I'm fine, but I could've been
reeaally messed up. No broken bones, but this had the potential to be a lot worse than
a broken arm. Almost
I didn't really give myself a home lobotomy, obviously. But it was damned close.
I was actually sposed to go to the hospital, lol, but I didn't. I was actually in such shock that I couldn't drive, I'd just lost an alarming amount
of blood.

I just basically waited to see if I was ok, I felt ok, so I didn't go. But damn, this is a gnarly
It's funny, sitting here and thinking about this incident, and the blood, and going
total recall about it, made me start feeling a little dizzy. I am feeling dizzy right at this moment.
I should take a break.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Attention: People Living Outside Of California!

When you make jokes about Californians being like a bowl of cereal- fruits, nuts, and flakes...
You are right! California IS full of whackos, a lot of celebrities and their fanatical hangers- on,
butt- kissers, wannabes, MAW's, you are right! New age people.
I've lived on both coasts, and I know.

My Point: It really kind of seems like another country to me, the East coast is so different.
It's like Canada to us. Might as well be Canada, really. Or maybe the West coast would be
comparable to Canada. The east coast seems to be more pragmatic, um, how do I put this?
Without offending anyone?
It's funny, because face to face I tend to be outspoken, and unafraid. Why am I being so shy about speaking my mind on my own blog?

Well crap, this one thing just happened the other day ( here we go, off on a OT-rant), this tall teenaged girl with pale blonde hair came to my door.
Keep that in mind, people. Keep that in mind. SHE came knocking on MY door. I didn't seek
her out.
Girl knocks at my door, I answer, she launches into a " I'm needing to get points for blah blah"
Basically magazine sales. Only I actually think this particular kind is a scam. Where they have a card and they tell you they have to get points to win a vacation for themselves.
The premise is basically" Help me out, will ya? Help a poor student "
So that you think you're helping them by ordering magazines. If you pay by check, then they
have your bank numbers and phone number. Sometimes companies take this info and
compile a list with a lot of other people's info also, and sell it to another company. Other
companies, plural. Phone number lists, etc.
A lot of companies do that anyway, and it sucks. They sell these lists, info that they might have about you and others, even if they came by it legitimately.

Anyway, tall blonde girl launches into this schpeel ( say it out loud, I don't know how it's spelled), and she's friendly and smiling, and when I said "No thanks, not interested",
I was friendly. As soon as I said that, she did rudest thing, it was weird to me. As soon as
I started to say " No thanks, blah," she grabbed the card back from me but also her face dropped all pretense of being friendly and nice, and her true face came out. She stopped
smiling, looked mean and pissed, actually. Turned and started walking away, and here's
what set me off:
She was saying stuff under her breath, I couldn't hear exactly every word, but I got enough
to know that she was talking about me. She was grumbling, basically. Nobody is buying
magazines, and she's fed up. But she doesn't need to be insulting me right here, after knocking
on MY door on a pleasant Sunday afternoon!

Before I knew it, she started ot say something more, and I just blurted out without even
thinking " Shut Up, Bitch" in a warning voice. In a kinda " I will fuck you up, don't even
be fool enough to mess with me, Bitch" sort of voice.
And she immediately shut up and kept walking away.

Now, if you people only knew, I am a charming person, a nice person. Really, I am.
But I don't suffer fools gladly, and I don't put up with people trying to start shit with
me or treat me badly, especially if you aren't my ex-husband snd I don't love you.
I will speak my mind, and defend myself. And if you come knockin' at my door and
wanting to talk shit about me, you better either bring a gun or some friends, because
we are going to commence to some scrappin' if you insist on picking on me, starting trouble
with me.
I'm joking around, with my speech. But the idea behind it is real. Don't show up and then start
with me when I was minding my own business. I do feel kinda bad for the girl, but she needs
to get out of that job if she can't handle rejection and has trouble controlling herself.

I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say: Why should I be afraid to speak my mind in my own blog?
If you don't like what you are reading here, you can " Git out!" ( like these funny characters on South Park say in an exaggerated southern accent... If you don't like Amerrca you kin Giiit Out!")
I don't usually hide my opinions in real life. So I damned well shouldn't be the other way around.
Hiding my feelings and beliefs in print.

So I was basically trying to say, people on the other coast seem to be in general less inclined
to believe bullshit, even though this is where the NY Times comes from. But USUALLY, it SEEMS like they are more skeptical,
I guess. Hmm...

What I'm REALLY trying to say, and am getting sidetracked, I HATE how we are the
state that has thrice aquitted celebrities of major crimes, in the past few years. What, 10? Although there
ARE earlier serious celeb- aquittal cases. Lana Turner for one, I believe.

But out of those 3, the recent ones, O.J. is the one that gets me. I don't know enough
about the Robert Blake case to say that he was guilty and the jury was simply starstruck.
But in OJ's case, Cochran played that jury like a fiddle and they fell right into his plan and went
along with it, like he was the Pied piper of Hamlin.
They let their emotions rule, and the jurors
that didn't fall for it later came out and said that they felt pressured into changing their
votes because the other jury members were so passionate and heated about the issues.

That said, I believe the jury in this case really DID consider the facts of the MJ case, except
the lack of an alcohol conviction bothers me. Makes me wonder. The lesser offense of alcohol
to a minor WAS convictable, they proved that, even if they weren't able to prove the more
major offenses.
I personally (based upon info I obtained from various sources including smoking gun .com),
wouldve convicted on all except the conspiracy. But that is with my knowing specific details
that the jurors weren't allowed to see. On just the evidence presented, and with following the
letter of the law, yes, MJ was correct in walking, and I would've had to vote that way.
Except for the alcohol. They had him on that. Even if it IS trifling.

So I am hoping that they really DID consider the facts of the case, I believe they did.
Unlike the OJ jurors that came back from this months and months long trial in 3 hours
( 3 hours of deliberation, total!!! After all those months of evidence and testimony) with not guilty on all counts.
I remember watching that trial, also. I remember paying attention to the DNA evidence ,
and the hair and fibers, and blood, and I thought " Damn! He really DID do it! He is so busted!"
And then the aquittal! What happened? Wha?!

The MJ jurors DID consider the case, but A: they should've been sequestered.
and B: They WERE starstruck, regardless of the denial that is probably going on
right now.
C. Sneddon should've anticipated that Jackson was going to have the best attorneys
that money can buy and that it would be hard to prove, BECAUSE he is a celebrity,
and people don't like to believe that their idols can be evil monsters.
Because of that, he should have taken more time with investigating MJ. There are two
prior boys, and Diane Diamond said that there were legal documents, confidential ones
that are sealed even now, But in legal Latin jargon on both cases, he gave the equivalent
of an admission/apology. An apology. Which really does basically translate as an admission.
As the court TV people said, "Right charges, Wrong kid" .
Those two books that MJ had next to his bed, segregated and yet clearly in arms reach
of his bed, under lock and key, are the books. The two special books. The two special
books that tecnichally aren't illegal, and yet are sold as a package deal at the NAMBLA
I found out alll about those books, and damn. The books, everything, the secret
settlements that no one knew about ( with the equivalent of apologies on both cases confidential
documents) , all collectively form a big picture. They weren't able to prove it, Sneddon was
fed up, and anxious to finally get him, and so he rushed in instead of meticulously and slowly
building a case, on absolute tangible evidence. Should've known he'd need a slam dunk
in this case, or in any celebrity trial.
If you don't know what I'm ranting about, MJ was found not guilty on all counts.
Nuff said!

Court TV and the Jackson Case...

I've been watching Court TV a lot lately, the MJ trial coverage.
I particularly like Nancy Grace ( Hello, Friend!) and Diane Diamond.
It was funny because I heard something today, speculation, rumor.
They were discussing whether or not Jacko will make a run for the border
if he's found guilty, and that made me laugh. : )

Because think about it: Isn't it a little hard to NOT spot Michael Jackson
somewhere? Especially since he has taken to wearing this Kabuki- like
white face paint. It's masklike. Someone ought to sell those. White Kabuki-like
MJ masks for Halloween, with the jacked-up( pun intended) nose and everything.
Reminds me of the mask that Michael Myers is wearing in the Halloween movies.
The stark white William Shatner mask. Yep. Someone should sell those.

But my original point is that with the glaring white face on a tall, skeletal man in
a black suit with cravat and 500 lonnies following along as an entourage, he would
be a little hard to miss. All the loonies outside the courthouse would join the entourage.
Itwould be like a giant MJ juggernaut, rolling towards the border and picking up steam as it
goes. lol
THAT'S why it made me laugh when they were discussing whether MJ would run for
the border.

On that subject, there were things that they talked about on CourtTV, little details
and facts that weren't allowed in trial. Things that the jury wasn't allowed to hear
or consider. These things, had they known about them, would have swayed their
votes towards guilty, and whoa, oh shit, the jury is back with a verdict! It's 12:40pm
Hmm, we'll see what happens.
But to continue my line of thought...No matter WHAT the jury decides today, they
WOULD have found him guilty of the molestation charges, had they been privy to
certain bits of information. As it is,
I would find him guilty of the alcohol charges, and molestation charges, and not-gulity of
the conspiracy charges. I've been paying attention. Do I think he is guilty of the conspiracy
charges? Yes. But did they do a good job of proving it in trial? No.

Mesereau was clearly sharper than Sneddon. Sneddon had a lot of juicy stuff to work
with, and Mesereau didn't have squat, but he managed to spin enough reasonable doubt out of nothing. Even with a bunch of his witnesses actually making the prosecution's case
Oops, I gotta go watch and see what this verdict is going to be...

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Mike Tyson is a Demon...

I was writing someone, and mentioned the fight tonight.
There was a fight tonight, a Tyson fight. Now, c'mon.
If one hears that he is fighting, the question is :Is he going to bite
someone's nose off this time? Maybe a lip?

Anyway, I was writing someone about the fight tonight, I heard
tonight that Tyson allegedly wussed out, actually said ' I'm not fighting anymore"
(in his curiously high-pitched and childlike voice), and quit after the
6th round, I believe.
So I wrote the above to someone, and then I added :

" Mike Tyson freaks me out, he scares me. He looks like a demon.
Like, a literal demon, how a demon would look to me. Think about
how he looks, and put some leathery wings on him, and maybe some
cloven hooves, Man, he's a demon!"

Yep. Mike Tyson is a demon. It explains all. The wealth, everything.
Mike Tyson is a goddamned demon.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

More About Ginky...

I forgot to mention, the four teeth that he had were
two on top, two on the bottom. And one of his top teeth
got chipped in the infamous "Skirt Incident", and it only added to his look.
The scarred lower lip, the chipped tooth, he wasn't a fish to
mess with.

I think we had him in a 50 gallon tank, I think. It was a lot
of work to maintain the tank.
We had literally been given the ultimatum by our apartment
manager, get rid of Ginky or move. We had lived there for about
4 years. We moved.
I like how that was a non-issue for us. My then-husband S
didn't even consider it for 2 seconds, he said " Well then, we're moving."

It was the size of the tank, and the fact that we were upstairs. We managed
to keep it a secret for 3 years, but there was an unrelated issue and the tank
was discovered, we were narc'ed on by a handyman.

The reason I know that he was 14 inches long, I measured him. He let me. I
had to be careful because he wanted to eat the string I was using to measure
him with, he thought it was a worm. : )
I used a cloth string, and then compared it to our tape measure.

BTW, the photos online I've seen of Fahakas, they all look sickly. Most of them,
I need to find some photos of Ginky and get them transferred onto the computer.
Ours was the healthiest looking one I've seen.

I wouldn't recommend getting one unless you plan on being in it for the long haul.
fahakas take a lot of work to keep healthy. You have to try to figure out how to keep
their teeth ground down, keep them fed, and they can be picky. People frequently
don't get the water right. You have to figure out what amount of brackish your specific
puffer needs.
We think ours came from a place up the river where he was far away from the
saltwater and brackish water. He thrived on fresh water, we had tried him on brackish
for a time, but he wasn't thriving. We adjusted the water to non-salt and non-brackish,
and he began thriving! Appetite increased, growth, it was clear that he didn't like brackish
water at all. The Nile is the longest river in the world, I think I read that somewhere. So who knows what part he actually came from.

One time he ate a goldfish whole, gulped it without chewing it, and he got constipated.
Yep. Thus began a lot of speculation and research online. For the question is, How exactly
do you de-constipate a fish? Are there fish laxatives? This is funny, but in truth, our
Ginky had us worried, he looked miserable, and we were afraid the constipation would kill him.
Finally we read somewhere that if we switched to brackish water temporarely, it would
do the trick.

I don't know how it worked, but it DID work.
But my main point is : Don't get a fahaka unless you plan on being serious and conscientious
about taking care of it. And you'll wind up falling in love with it. Their faces have so much expression.
You CAN see when they are happy, or miserable. They really do have the sweetest faces.
And their eyes can move around, they can actually move their eyes to look at you, or in
the case of the string, he was turning his eyes in to focus on the string. It makes them look so

A Rogue Badass Puffer Fish...

The other death that really devastated me in this
past couple of years was a 10 year old puffer fish that we had
that came from the Nile. A fahaka puffer. The cutest damned
face on any fish I've ever seen. We raised him from being a tiny sickly
baby about an inch long that I had to force feed brine shrimp, to a
14 inch long badass fish with huge teeth and a pissed- off countenance.

Actually, he was very sweet, but certain things would piss him off. I
bought an Indian print skirt, shades of red and blue. I wore it once.
I walked into the living room, he saw me, and spazzed. Went ballistic. Bashed
his mouth into the glass and cut his lip, it was bleeding! He was trying
to get at me, or something. I quickly went away and changed. I think we
experimented mildly with the skirt one more time, he started to get upset
again, and that was it. I gave the skirt away, even though it was a brand new skirt.
He had that scar on his lip for the rest of his life. Gave him a rogue badass
appearance, that was deserved. He used to joyfully kill everything put in his path.
We made sure to put things in his path. It was good for him to hunt and keep active.

When he was about 2 inches long and no longer sick, we decided to put him
in with other fish. We had a couple of different tanks going.
Now, we didn't really know what we had with our Ginky, we had books about
fish that we'd read, but we didn't have much info at the time about
Fahaka puffers.
So we put him in with our other fish. I think we had a couple of rainbow gouramis
and a red-tailed shark and a few neon fish. Those tiny fish that swim in schools and
have neon stripes.
When we came out the next day and saw the tank, we noticed that the red-tailed shark was gone, so was one of the gouramis. Both fish had been larger than Ginky, which was why we had thought they'd be ok. The theory that he wouldn't pick on things larger than himself.
We were wrong.
The shark and the gourami were missing, and there was a bloated, obviously happy puffer
looking at us. Upon closer inspection we saw that the surviving fish were traumatized
and shaken, and there was the red tail of the red-tail shark. Just the tail.

It's funny, I've heard people talk about how badass the Oscar fish are. Our fahaka
had 4 huge teeth made for tearing and dismembering things. And a bad attitude towards other fish. Deceptively fast and powerful.
An Oscar wouldn't even have a chance.

He wound up eating live fish every day, or jumbo tiger shrimp. THAT was expensive.
He ate 2-4 raw tiger shrimp every day.
Aw, I miss Ginky. He had a real personality. I fed him every day, so I was probably his
favorite person, if he had one. I was the only one really brave enough to put my hand
in the tank and leave it there ( sometimes things needing to be adjusted in the tank, etc). Actually, I had discovered that Ginky liked it when I stroked
his back. If he didn't want me to touch him, he'd merely move away. But like a dog, he would
lean his body in the direction of my fingers, he liked it! I didn't touch him too much, it wouldn't
have been good for him. But he seemed to like his back to be rubbed once in awhile.
He never tried to bite me.

His teeth had to be sharpened constantly, because they were continuously growing.
So we figured out smart solutions. We discovered that he really liked snails. A lot.
So we fed him snails.
The snail shells kept his teeth ground down to a normal length. But his teeth were still
scary looking.
He finally died of old age, we think. We managed to keep him alive for a long time,
10 years by intuitively figuring out what he liked. This stuff wasn't in any books.
For example,
There was this thing he would do, where he would start at one end of the tank, swim really fast,
and dive into the gravel. We couldn't believe it the first time we saw it.
He dove into the gravel and sat there buried with just his eyes showing. Gravel was on his
head and back. He was camouflaged. It was so cute.
I had changed the gravel from black gravel to natural colored
earth toned gravel. That was when he buried himself in the gravel. He obviously didn't
like the black gravel at all, for he had never done this before. This gravel must have been
reminiscent of the Nile gravel. That was an accident, discovering that he liked to camouflage

One morning last year he was discovered dead, he had died in the night. It seemed to be peaceful,
nothing appeared to be wrong with him. He was 10 years old, surely he was ancient for
a puffer fish. But my ex and I were devastated, even so.
RIP Ginky.