Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Monday, November 28, 2005

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Life Is Like A Monkey...

(*Note:partial repost)
When my brother and I were kids in the late 70's, living in L.A, CA, it was a good time. My mom was hosting Tupperware parties,doing quite well with it. Even though gas was scarce and Carter was prez and inflation was crazy, for my family it was a good time. KMET, KLOS playing on the car stereo, cruising around LA. Laughing when we heard Joe Walsh's "Life's Been Good" for the 1st time ( my parents loved it) on the way to Magic Mountain. Don Kirshener's Rock Concert. Cheech and Chong, George Carlin. Steely Dan. Eagles. Fleetwood Mac.
My parents had these friends,let's call them "W" and "P". They came back from a trip to Japan with a monkey.
Now, I didn't know the monkey existed, until the day we went over there to W and P's house. And there it was, in all it's glory. A beautiful monkey, sitting up on a high perch in the corner of the living room. I guess he liked sitting up high looking over all of us. As I said, he was beautiful. Shades of shiny brown and white mingled together, small and delicate looking, and I can't describe his face well for a reason. I couldn't really get that good of a look at him because I was too busy running from "poo" and shrieking in a girly way " AAAH! POO!!!" For that was the "catch" about this monkey. He had a bad attitude, and delighted in lobbing feces at certain people. Me being one of them.
He was beautiful to look at, sometimes he could be very sweet, but a lot of the time
he was throwing shit at people. Life is like that monkey. Sometimes nice, sometimes
beautiful, but sometimes throwing shit at you. Better duck, or try to anticipate the shit ahead of time.
p.s. Turned out the monkey was given to a habitat or something. He was better off,
although he really DID seem to enjoy throwing shit at everyone. : )

Glow Candles...

I don't want to forget this idea, so I'm writing it here.

Ok. I have been experimenting for awhile with glowing products.
Specifically I have used it to make homemade glow in the dark stars
and also I made glow in the dark candles. Yes. Glow in the dark candles in different colors.They are rad. I'm going to give a free plug to the online company.
You will know how to make your own in a minute!
Hey, I can take pictures of them!

Anyway, this company sells powder, paint, etc. I've been ordering glow in the
dark powders and mixing them with various substances like wax and elmer's glue.
lol. Yep,glowing experimentation. The candles were interesting.

You want to get some of that gel wax. Make candles however you would normally make them,with that clear gel wax, but mix some of the powder into the wax. They come in all colors, and this
is important: Apparently the more away from the color green, the less the glow time is. So green glow is the strongest, and you wouldn't believe how much that green candle glows.
But there is what I was going to say.
When you charge this stuff, it's really strong, the glowing. I swear, if I put
several of the candles in the highest glow state possible, I could almost see enough
to read.
See what I mean?
That's my idea! Why can't they use the glow stuff in an energy replacement way?For light, at least!
Say you had a giant, glowing beacon of a cool blue, lighting up your living room.
With the powder I could paint my wall entirely in colored glowing, let them charge during the
day, and start glowing when it gets dark. Just like solar, but without the trouble of the bulk of it and having to make sure they have those batteries or whatever the hell.
You get my point.
Glow power. There's glowing of all colors. they have white glow powder, but that's how I know the white doesn't glow as strong. Not nearly. I've ordered about all of them.
But don't you think they could develop some sort of new and improved glow powder that
glows extra brightly?
There's a source for a lot of electricity to be averted. Instead of lamps, glow powder.
Glow sticks, yes. but if you really want to light up a room, paint the walls. I'm
so tempted to do a little experiment on the wall. Maybe I can paint a big canvas or
sheet of paper with it, and see the glow potential that way. my fave glow colors are green, aqua, and blue. They also glo the

Are You There God? Um, Hello?

(*Note:partial repost)
Can I get your cell phone # ? You never answer the home phone.I can't seem to get ahold of you anymore. You've changed. Are you seeing someone else?
Here's what I was just thinking , and I had to write it :
Think about the people who have REALLY affected history. The guy that invented cocaine( NOT the coca plant, but cocaine). The guy who invented and fired the first gun. Etc.I'm sure these folks didn't know what they were unleashing upon the world, good or bad. If I recall, they both thought they were helping mankind. They DID, but they also opened a Pandora's box, created a monster.
One thing they DID do, no matter what side of the fence you are on, is affect mankind PROFOUNDLY.What if God IS a higher power, and exists? But what if God is like some woman that had fifty kids and can't keep track of WHAT the hell is going on with her kids? 20 are in jail, 10 are selling drugs, 2 are in college defying the odds, the rest are pregnant or prostituting or both...
What if God is real, he was doing an experiment one day just because he was bored,and everything got allll out of control? I'm talking about the biblical idea of creation in one week.Wonder how long it took to invent cocaine, or the first gun? A week?
Things got out of control.
Maybe God thought he'd be watching his little dolls that he made in his image forever, and things went horribly wrong. WE went horribly wrong, and now He can't keep track of us anymore than the guy that invented the gun or cocaine could keep track of all the crack users and armed robbers that came after these inventions? IF there is a God, I rather think this is what has happened.
Maybe God's mother or Father came in, caught him working on his project, making a little world with people, whupped his ass and put him to bed without supper ( since God has such a bad temper, maybe he got it from HIS father), and we wound up in the cosmic trash to fend for ourselves?

Just a thought. : )

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Ghosts Revisited...

I was thinking about ghosts again. I hate thinking about this stuff, but weird things keep happening around here. Things I can explain, and things that I can't. Example: Yesterday my 2 cats and I were kicking back, and we heard a noise from behind this wooden screen that I have. I have one of those folding room divider screens, cherrywood-looking (It's probably pine). I like it. I quickly went and looked behind the screen, thinking, Aha! I was finally going to catch whatever the hell is going on! So I look behind the screen, and I see nothing. Except: a skirt that I have on a hanger was totally moving, in a hard way, swaying back and forth. Something had been back there for sure, and it wasn't the wind, it wasn't me! I stood there and stared at it and it kept swaying back and forth, and I thought "I'm scared. I really do not like this."

So many things like that have happened since I moved in about a year ago now... This all started with running across my roof, ceiling. Something keeps running back and forth across my ceiling, I've gone outside and looked up, there's nothing on the roof! No cats, no people, nothing. It's a one-story cottage.
The thing that bothers me it that it sounds heavier than a cat, and two-legged.Thump thump thumpthump in the ceiling.

Anyway, the ghost subject made me wonder another thought : What if just as water and air are a sort of medium, and opposite and yet connected at the same time,what if there is an unknown medium, as yet undiscovered? Like air, water, fire, etc. What if there's something so light, so subtle, that we can't see it? Another something, like oxygen. or h2O. Kind of like ether?
Maybe it's h3O. Or h30.5.
And it's on that level that the ghosts live. Fish live in water, people live in air, maybe the other beings live in h3O.5 Whatever that other substance is.
I know, it's far out. But these noises really are scary and they're getting to me!

The ceiling noises I am telling myself that it's some sort of echoey effect from the street out there. I could theoretically explain that off. If a car drives down the street and makes thumping noises, it could echo somehow. But at 3 in the morning when I'm asleep and it wakes me, sounds
just like a person running!
I'm now so used to setting things down far away from edges of things. Because if something is even near an edge, it will fall off around here. Maybe there are minute earthquakes occuring that I don't know about, happening off the coast here. Makes sense.

And it's not mice, or rats. My two cats would have alerted me. Plus those things are really noisy and destructive.
I just don't know what to think. I'm trying to be as scientific as possible about all of this.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


Even if one were to set aside the Pilgrim aspect to Thanksgiving,
and the whole story there, Thanksgiving is still a pretty good idea for a
People should have times when they look around and are thankful for
what they have. I do that more often that once a year, and I'm sure other people
do, too.
But there should be a day to really think about it, be aware of it. And have a mass
pig-out. :)

I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head, and am warm and comfortable at night
when it's been getting so much colder at night lately. I'm not starving, and I've made new
friends lately. I also live only 2 blocks from the beach, and I'm very thankful for that.
I'm thankful for all of you, and if you want to tell me what you are thankful for in your lives I wouldn't mind. I'm kinda curious, in fact.
Even if I don't have a family of my own, I could see where that would be #1.
But as I said, there is plenty for me to be thankful for, and I realize it!
Happy Thanksgiving to all that celebrate it!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Yeah! Good news!

So Mike B just called, and I told him about the idea of the cam,
and he said "Oh, you want to be on video, too? Hell, I've got a camera,
doesn't sound like you are wanting a whole lot in the way of editing, and details.
We'll just set you on a stool with a mic and guitar and have at it, if that's what
you want, that's easy!" lol
I said "Yeah, that would be great, but also I'll want to watch how you do the mp3 stuff,
I need to learn how to do all that sort of thing."
So we have tentative plans to jam, record on Friday and I'm happy about that! I miss
jamming with other people.
But also I'm going to get one of these cams anyway, I think.
Yeah! :D

Fisher Price Microphone?

Mike B didn't call me back, and I didn't have the heart to bug him,
I know he's really busy with everything going on over there. Plus
Thnaksgiving coming. This is a casual situation, I know he's not playing
games like T was..

And besides, I was thinking about this mic idea some more. I ought to
go to "Fry's" or someplace like that, and talk to one of the computer guys
that work there. He could pick a mic out for me, based upon knowing what
my level of computer ability is. Actually, I think they even have people
that will come out and help you at your house, which is something I might want
for this.
Heheh, but I was even thinking about getting a Fisher Price child's microphone,
on the grounds that it should be easy to install. But then I thought: " The irony
would be that one needs a degree in computer science to get the kiddie mic working"
Because I could see it being something like that.

In any case, I'm definitely going to do something about the mic situation in this next
week, I keep forgetting that Thanksgiving is coming or I'd take care of it sooner.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Upon Further Thought...

I did call Mike B. little while ago, left a message. But I had an
interesting thought while waiting : What if I bought a mic that plugs into the
computer, and somehow just record my guitar/vocals right into
my computer directly? It probably wouldn't even be that expensive,
to get a decent mic.
I'm so crippled by my lack of computer knowledge! I'm aware that one
can do these things, I just don't personally know how. I don't need a lot of bells
and whistles just to do a basic guitar and vocal thing.Don't need no stinkin'
special effects. :)
I also wish I had one of those video cameras that you can load into your computer.
Heh, I'd take video of the kareoke scene and post it. I've wanted to make a movie
about kareoke, a documentary. There's people that are aalllll into it, they don't
bother with trying to have a band themselves, they enter kareoke competitions,
spend thousands on those kareoke machines and the cd's. It's their whole lives.

And a lot of the good ones are totally stuck up snots! It's a trip! When I first went to kareoke,
I got snubbed, hurtfully so, by certain really good singers. I'd tried to approach them and tell them that they were good. It was weird!Puzzling.
But after I got up there
and did my thing, it didn't matter anymore if they were nice to me or not. Everyone else
was nice to me after that.
There is a strange element to it, for those people that take it so seriously. The humorless
people that don't try to go beyond singing covers of other people's shit. And are snobby
because they are good.
I've seen people get really mad because the DJ accidentally didn'tput the right person up.
Like, really mad. Face looking like it was going to explode- type- mad.
It's just best to have fun with the whole thing, and not take it so seriously.Jeez.

I hope Mike B. calls me today. But this mic idea is definitely worth checking into. I would
need someone to help me set it up. Hmm...

Makin' Calls Today...

I'm waiting a little while to call Mike B, I don't know his hours, except
that I'm making an assumption that he's a night person. Pete was talking
about this recently, and I remember thinking "I'm a morning person!"
When he mentioned night people and morning people.

Anyway, because Mike B is a professional music person, he probably does
stay up nights. I know that he's having his studio remodeled, and when I
talked to him the other day, there were workmen sounds in the background.
Sawing, drilling, hammering.

I was telling him, I don't even really care about doing a whole album right now,
I wouldn't mind just having some mp3s on my blog, something tangible to show
for all my playing and practicing all those years.
I had a morbid, horrible thought yesterday:
If something happens to me now, and I die, an accident or something, all my songs
die with me. They are all in my head. Oh, there might be a few scraps of paper around here
with some confusing bits of scribbled lyrics, but no music, nothing. Just my word when I was alive that I wrote songs. Fully realized songs.

I'd rather have half a dozen mp3s of my best stuff, then an album full of crap that wasn't me,
that I didn't feel good about. Ted wanted to add all this stuff, that I didn't want. Horns, piano,
he basically wanted to turn it into a jazz album. My music is more ...I don't know what it is, actually. :)
Joni Mitchell-esqe, before she got into her jazz phase? Although Joni is better than anybody,
so I don't mean to compare myself to her. Rachel, too.
I got Rachel's album Saturday, and I haven't listened to it.
Reason :When I listen to her I feel like keeping my
mouth closed after that. She's that good. I have been watching the Attic, though.
Plus, I'm afraid that her music will inadvertantly leak into mine, what if I accidentally
wind up plagurising her?
IOW, When I'm about to go into the studio myself, it might not be a good idea to go all
ga-ga- over another singer, the way I've been over Rachel lately. Hi Rachel! :) You are
a hard act to follow!
I remember feeling this way when I was learning how to play guitar. I had/still have a hard time listening to the guitar greats and then picking up my guitar to play right afterwards.
I can't do it. I need a little time, they are tough acts to follow.
Hopefully I'll get something recorded soon, and relax a little. Thanks to everyone that
helped me through this stuff. You've all helped me a lot, I'm not kidding.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

The String Fiasco and Sleazy T...

Looking back, I do see the string fiasco as a sign, when you combine it with
other miscellaneous happenings. I wasn't supposed to go to T's.
He had actually shown up at the bar last weekend, and touched me and called me
"Baby" in front of everyone! He
had no right to do that. I dunno. He was rubbing my back and playing with my hair.
I was cringing. I told all my friends afterwards that I didn't like it, etc. I had not
done a single thing that would indicate to him that I wanted him to treat me like that.

So this is the real reason why I was thinking about those sorts of thoughts today. Because of the
incident last weekend, and the flaking off lately. He knew I didn't like it.
Anyway, I'm just going to avoid him.

Wow! Personal Newsflash!

T the producer is out, Mike B. is in.
I've had it with T. Took me long enough to figure out
that he was just stringing me along to try and get in my pants.
And I'm frankly too talented to be treated like that. Besides,
I have other producer friends.
In fact, I was so mad today, that I phoned Mike B. He's the kareoke
DJ from last weekend, but he happens to own a studio, "Garage Records."
He's a newlywed, I've hung out with Mike B and his pretty wife, and I feel
comfortable with them. He's got a hell of a kareoke collection. Doesn't call me

Mike B. had asked me a long time ago to come sit in with him and his band,
he'd wanted a female singer that could play guitar. I was pleased with that idea,
and said yes..
But right then, T popped back up on the scene, and made all sorts of big promises.
Like how he was going on a trip in January, to Memphis and Nashville, and he wanted
to take my album or a demo and play it for some friends.
So I once again agreed to have T produce my album. I'd heard that he's very talented,
and I did see this for myself. He IS talented.
But he was starting to touch me all the time, and call me baby! I didn't like it! And my friends in the kareoke place know, I don't like strange guys touching me. But he claimed he was just
being a friend...I'd asked anoth woman about that, she'd said he was harmless.
I called him, yesterday, I was supposed to confirm for today.. I called him twice, two different times, and left messages. We were supposed to start recording today. He hasn't called me back.
I was waiting for him to call today, and I was writing at my blog.

I started remembering my experiences in my youth, with my musical mentors, A. and Mike G.
And I remember how A. said that some people might try to get in my pants, and I blogged that here,
and after I did, I realized that I was thinking of T, and it was as if my old much -loved friend A.
had come back to warn me away from this Bozo.
Took me long enough to figure it out.
Today I looked back on my experiences with T, and I realized that he'd never even really heard me play, or even brought me into his studio! But he'd come highly recommended , so I stuck it out.
I've known real studio men, real musicians, and they didn't act like that towards me.
I don't have to put up with that shit.>:(
Yep, A. had warned me about these types. I should've known before now.

So I called Mike B, and he said something funny, that female friends of theirs
have also called T kind of slimy, cheesy. It felt good to be able to talk this out, and make
alternate studio plans. I trust Mike B.
They asked me to go kareoke tonight, said that they were going.In fact, they
love my voice, and have requested songs from me, every time I go. They seem to respect my ability. And remember, Mike B. wanted to jam with me. It was sincere.
So that's my big personal news, after all this time T is out. And I feel soooooo much better
about this decision. Another message from the Universe, maybe?

The Soul Siblings...

My brother is probably going to be horrified, but I'm going to
tell this:

When we were kids, we were musicians at heart. But we had no
instruments, we were just young kids. So we got creative. I heard
someone talking about this recently. Making homemade instruments.
Reminded me that J and I made a whole bunch of instruments, and
they weren't that bad.
Pringles can with dry rice in it.
Shoebox with rubber bands across it.
A glass bowl with two #2 pencils with erasers on the tips. The erasers
were important, those were your drums.
We did have one of those old organs that my parents brought home one day for us.
They knew what we were up to.
We called ourselves "The Soul Siblings" and wrote a bunch of sweet little
songs. They were actually good songs, I remember them to this day.
but very young songs. We couldn't have been more than 8 or 10 when we started, and it was
a much more innocent time. Even the 70's were still more innocent than now.

Yep, the Soul Siblings. That's actually rather cute! Not a bad name
for the 70s, the time. And how young we were.

Destiny, Fate...

I'm very much living by what the Universe is trying to tell me, these
days. I think the Universe sends us neon signs, and it's up to us to see
and read those signs.
And sometimes when we don't see the signs, it will interject happenings to force the point.
Such as my strings going dead yesterday...
I didn't realize just how terrible my strings sounded, until my new ones were on there.
And I realized that I did not in fact want to be showing up anywhere and jamming with
those wrecks on there! But I was going to, because I didn't know any better.
The issue was forced by the strings choosing yesterday to die. Such a timely
message. It was like a message from the Universe. We aren't letting you go out with
those poor excuses for strings.

That's how all this stuff has been happening, anyway. Kareoke led to something,
which led to something else, etc. So much of it is fated, and coincidental.

Kareoke and the responses I got reminded me that I used to have a whole different life before
I got married. I had a friend, he owned a reeaally nice home studio. There was a picture
of him on the wall shaking hands with Nixon, at the White House. He'd played with
his band at the White House. Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. My friend was the guitarist.
This is a painful subject. I miss him.
Mike had found out that I could sing. And he starting teaching me guitar. One of the things he
also did was bring me over to A.'s compound. A. isn't his real name. He actually didn't go
by his real name, officially. I knew his real name. A is his middle name.
Anyway, A. was quite taken with me, and I was taken with him, we became genuine friends.
I wound up doing a lot of "work" for him, it was fun. He looked like Frank Zappa. Long hair, etc.
Had the same kinda twinkle in his eye.

One day he said that MTV was doing a talent audition, and he wanted to make a video
of me to send in. We'd already made a few videos of us jamming. Mike, A and myself. It was in the 80's, at an early point when not everyone had video cameras. Everyone has them now, except for me.
So A was going to send it in, except that he got sicker. He was ill, and had been since before
I'd met him. I'm not sure if I should talk about this. I'm already starting to tear up a little.
Anyway, he got more ill and passed away.
I could weep if I think about this, because he taught me so much. What a true professional
musician is supposed to be, how they are supposed to conduct themselves. To respect other musicians.
If you screw up, keep playing, don't stop. Be on time.
I was just a kid, but he knew I had genuine talent, and he was teaching me important music life
lessons. They seem like such simple things to know, but like I said, I was just a kid and it was new to me.

This all hurts partly because Mike died earlier this year.He was the other music teacher, mentor
in my life. And now I've lost them both. :(
I loved both of them, and they loved me.
A. died, Mike took it badly, I went away and got married. I was married for a long, long time.
And that's where I'm at now, trying to recover my musical life, trying to remember that I
had that whole life before my husband. Mike and I stayed friends, but I didn't see him very often, obviously. And now he's gone.

Anyway, the Universe seems to be telling me: Get back to your music.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Update On The String Situation...

Finally got it tuned with the new strings, and I actually
played it for quite awhile now. Sounds nice.Those flat top
strings. Took the opportunity to really clean the guitar up
in general, once I had the strings off.

Once again I feel confident, it's when I play that I feel confident.
I did "From The Beginning" and I was secretly thinking "Hey I DO kick ass
on this one!" Just now.

I did my little "Since I've Been Loving You" intro thing that I've been
playing for years when I want to show someone that I really can play,
for being a girl. That's how people are. They assume because I'm female
that I can't play, jam. I can play all kinds of covers, play and sing at the same time.
That's all I ever used to play. Covers. I can do "Wish You Were Here" with the little
tender solo in the beginning. I can do "Battle of Evermore", and sing both Robert's
and Sandy's parts, and play at the same time. In fact, I should go practice that one.

I only say this stuff because I hate that people automatically assume that I'm just
a girl, and girls can't play. I feel like I have to prove myself, and I would if I had a camera
on my computer.
Right now I'm kicking around,working on a cover of 'For Your Life" from Led Zep's Presence. I kickass, except when it goes into that shift, and I don't know the chords from there.
But I like how I do the vocals :" Heard a cry for mercy, in the city of the damned."

Hopefully when I get the CD of my stuff, I can upload it into my computer, and pass it around.
Or put it here t my blog. If I can figure that out, lol. Just don't know about that.

Oh Crap! My Strings! WTF?!?

I just ran through about 5 of my songs, they sounded good,
and I was able to put the fear and insecurity at bay for awhile. Felt
confident of my skills. I'd needed to run through the words on all of those.
Then, when I was launching into the weird blues thing, instrumental,
a very old Lisa original, I noticed one of my strings sounded off. Way off.
The E.
I only know this because I looked on the pack of strings that I pulled forth
from my junk drawer in the kitchen. I'm very happy that I remembered they were there.
Flat Tops. Designed to quiet my chord shifts. I think these are the semi-flats.
There was a picture of the strings on the pack, so that I could pick out the thickest string.

Anyway, here's the problem:
My E string sounds dead, and no matter what I do, it won't tune. So I think it's
re-string time, because these strings should have all been changed a long time ago.
But doesn't your new strings take about a week or so of playing to start feeling right?
Settling in? Whatever you call it?
I'm practically hysterical because I really am going into the studio tomorrow to
finally begin this. This is like one of the worst things that could happen.
Although surely they have guitars. And yet I'm comfortable and happy with mine.
It's an acoustic electric combo guitar...
Shit. I hate re-stringing the thing. That's why I never do it.

That producer guy, he wanted me to do a cover of "From The Beginning' by ELP
once he knew that I could do it. I can play and sing that by myself, and he liked it.
Mike taugh me that a very long time ago, so I've only had lots of time to practice it,
get better at it. I can even play the solo, that leads into the keyboard. And my voice sounds
good, I suppose the producer's right that it's one of my better songs, even if it is a cover.
I was going to try to stay away from covers.
Ah well.
Back to the problem of the strings...

Damned Blogging Addiction! :P

All week I've been sitting here blogging, when I have other things I need to
be doing. I'm going into the studio tomorrow to begin working on my album,
my first.
I have songs that I want to do little last-minute things to. I should have been
working on my plans for the album, and instead I sat here blogging! I did go
take my walks, do things. But clearly I've been procrastinating, all week!
So it's down to the wire.
Today I need to work on this. It's really just a matter of playing through what I
want to go on the album, and make a final decision about two songs that are almost
- finished songs. Do I want to add them on?
Today I have to get serious, and try not to write all you awesome fellow bloggers.
Until I'm done with my practice.
But I am addicted to blogging, it's now evident to me. I have to go work on my
music! I'm still sitting here! Ack!

Thursday, November 17, 2005


What if ghost are just people in another reality, reality separated by cosmic
walls of some kind. Different dimentions with some sort of "wall" that isn't really a wall,
but that's the best description for how they separate the dimensions.
And what if ghosts are just a case of people getting too close to the wall, where things blur
together ever-so-slightly?
So that we get a glimpse of them. And they get a glimpse of us. We are ghosts, too.

Reminds me of when the Martian and the Earthman run into each other in "the Martian Chronicles".
Each thinks the other is the ghost.

Excellent Photos Of Ancient Underwater Pyramids...

Repost of Japan pyramids.There were earthquakes recently, once again.
The reason I keep posting these is because they are probably the biggest fucking discovery
in what, a couple, few hundred years? And yet no one even knows about it.

When I talk about these things, it's because it proves that the origin of man may be
very different, indeed. We know now, if one trusts the preliminary tests, that those pyramids
are twice as old as the Pyramids in Egypt.
And what about the other weird things they are finding around the world? Solid rocks with
metal spheres in them.
The Dropa people. Little tiny people in China. In the mountains.
I'm going to repost my African metal spheres and the Dropa stones links.
I sound like a lunatic, butI'm more inclined to think we come from space.
And the study of quantum physics, subatomic particles, that's all going to prove it.
That's why I'm so interested in this subject, and about Higgs boson theory, etc.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Happy Birthday To Me...

This is a shameless ploy to get b-day greetings, I admit!
Wish me a good one, I need it! Birthdays have been notoriously
bad days for me in the past. It's like the Universe has it's eye on
a person on the natal day. Like they are extra vulnerable on that day.

I read somewhere that the cake- birthday connection is that the cake is round,
and is supposed to represent the moon. That it comes from the Babylonians.
At least I think that's correct.
I bought a berry pie, it's round. Boysenberry pie
has long been a birthday favorite of mine. Yum.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Footnote On The French Horn...

I guess that's the question I have:
Does everyone see it like that, and it's just that
other people are better able to differentiate? I'm left-handed.
Does being left-handed have anything to do with it?
I don't play guitar left-handed. Mike taught me that I should theoretically
have an easier time, with the left-hand being the one that actually would
have more control over the neck. He was correct. I am a left-handed guitar
player that plays right- handed. I think it makes me a lot better.
I know that Jimi hendrix and Kurt Cobaine played left-handed, strung upside
down, supposedly. I tried that, it just didn't work for me.
I do wonder if that might be why I've had such a hard time reading music, when
I was in the gifted classes in all my other subjects. Yep.
It was a mental block, had to be. Maybe something to do with the right brain/left brain thing.
Who knows?
I'm still not that great at it.
Songs are like vividly- colored puzzles to me, and each instrument is a puzzle piece. All together they complete the puzzle. If the instrument doesn't fit just right, it's like a missing piece.

The French Horn ( edited repost)

I think I know why I deliberately made myself forget about playing French horn. To admit to playing it is to tell how I stopped playing it.Why.I remember auditioning for the advancedband, the teacher came all the way from the other school.
I got in, no problem. I "won". At that time it was probably the best thing that ever happened for me, the most personally thrilling. I was ecstatic. Felt like winning.
So I played. I kicked ass, I was 1st chair. There was a real competition thing going there. I think there were 4 of us. The girl that was second chair made me feel like I had to stay on my toes. There were 2 guys, also.I was proud of myself, but I had a secret. The longer it went on, the more my insecurity and fear grew. Let's call it paranoia.
I didn't know how to read music. Never did learn. I mean, I got the idea, I get it, kind of.It's just that my mind/body doesn't see music that way. Not when it comes to playing it, hearing it. The way my ears transmit sound to my brain.Basically, I got to stay first chair with people wanting my spot, all that time, playing
by ear. And after a while, it ate at me. For some reason, I thought it was really bad, that I was a fraud. Mr. Sonstegaard would say "Ok everyone, turn to page 21" , and everyone would do it, including myself, but those might as well been sheets of kleenex. They were, in fact, less useful to me then kleenex .
So I kept up my fraud, learned songs, until one day I couldn't stand it anymore. I was feeling like I was retarded. Literally, retarded from being as good as everyone else, because the black dots were just black dots and squiggles. Even though I was still first chair.
In fact, Purple and fucshia, lavender are sounds of minor chords to me, and blues chords really sound brown sometimes. Or red..Or orangey.Or even black.
I see music in color, and shapes in my mind. I even see/hear it in textures. My friend Al had an old Gretch guitar, really nice. I called it the crunchy Gretch. Sounded crunchy a lot. But good.
This isn't some acid-related thing, I was a young kid seeing it like this.
I can see music in color, shapes ( such as when Santana does this one solo that I like, it sounds like a sunburst, or like an exploding star. My mind sees it as a burst of light behind my eyes.). I can see music in texture. I can even see music
in numbers.
But I cannot see music in little black dots.
I can read music these days -sort of.This was how I felt at that age.I felt like I wasn't good enough for band because I couldn't read music.So I went to Mr. Sonstegaard, and I spoke to him after class one day. Told him " I'm going to have to drop out of band."
He asked why, and I told him. His face changed, but not in the way that I expected.
He said " You don't know how to read music? And you've been playing by ear, all this time?"
I said yes.
" Well then you CAN'T quit band, don't you see how good that is?" But I didn't see it.I felt like an idiot.He was genuinely upset, and he really did put on a hard sell, as far as trying to get me to stay in band. Normally he was a laid back, cheerful guy. This was a very different demeanor, he was geuinely unhapy!

Makes me sad thikning of it now, because I stood my ground and quit band. :( What a mistake.I regret it, and I have regretted it always. It wasn't really about the money, and the cost of renting the French horn, like I'd originally hinted. My parents never complained about the rental.Those even then were very expensive to own, though.That's why we rented it.
So I guess I know now why I never wanted to remember thatI played French horn.
And recently you-know-who reminded me. That's surely why I remembered it.

Songs are like puzzles, brightly colored ones. Drums, bass, guitar, all puzzle pieces that fit together to from a picture, a song.

French Horn...

You know, something I forgot about, and it's weird that I did forget:

I was first chair French horn for 3 years, first in regular band, then in advanced band.
I even won a pin for the most songs learned in a single year! I have the little red and
white pin in my jewelry box.
The thing is, I forgot a neat memory :

When I originally signed up for band, I wanted to play the girly-instruments too.
Flute. Etc. Woodwinds.
I didn't get any of them. It was down to French horn, and tuba, I think. So I chose
French horn. This was 6th grade, elementary school .

Awhile after that, there seemed to be a natural, um, division between the snooty
flute and woodwind girls, and the tuba/trombone/French horn people.
I was the only girl in that section , and it kinda sucked. People in general thought
those instruments were very uncool. The trumpet people weren't in this class.
It was specifically the tuba, trombone, french horn people. WE were the dorks.

Not long after we'd begun band, one day I was talking to my friend, Chris. He played
trombone, and also weighed about 300 pounds. So he knew something about
feeling left out. I think that was the jist of the conversation, my being snubbed by the flute girls.
The next day,
Chris brought this album to band. After class, he opened up the album. There was Pete
Townshend, hugging a French horn, with a rather angelic expression on his face. I still
remember the picture very well.
Chris said " Fuck the flute girls. Pete Townshend plays french horn."
And that gave me such a boost! It was like, " Pete Townshend plays French horn?!?Wow!
Maybe it's cooler than I thought!"
And that really went a long way towards convincing me to keep at it, when I think I was going to drop out of band at that point.
Funny, I'd forgotten that I played French horn!
It's an expensive intrument. Which is partly why I eventually gave it up.
But what a beautiful instrument it really is.

New Black Eyed Peas Song...

Recently heard a new B.E.P. song, it made me laugh. It's
destined to become a favorite in strip clubs and brothels around
the world, no doubt it's already being played there.
It's called ( I believe) " My bumps".
" My bumps, my bumps, my lovey lovely lumps"
Now, the reason I mention this is because when a woman says
something about having lumps on her body, it instantly makes me
think of breast cancer, or some other horrible anomaly. It's the exact opposite
of sexy.
Thought it was funny that they used that word. They use the word "humps",ok
" Bumps", ok. But "lumps" ?
Really scraping the bottom of the barrel for words that rhyme with bumps, is what
it sounds like.
Such a profound and world-significant post today, isn't it? lol

Sunday, November 13, 2005

For Posterity...

This is more of a mental note, in fact,
I may throw this away tomorrow. I am buzzed on Long Island Ice Teas,
but I'm not too buzzed that things are looking double or anything. And I
seem to be typing ok.
It's because I had to drive home, actually. And also because I sang quite a few
songs tonight I couldn't get snockered or anything. Don't like getting sloppy drunk anyway... Buteven so, this is why I'm here right now...
I tend to forget the songs that I've done the next day, after I wake up.
So I'm going to try and list them now, so that I won't forget.

This kareoke DJ tonight, he had the most amazing shit, I couldn't believe it.
So I got inspired. You won't believe the shit they have in Kareoke.
I did:
" Shine on you crazy diamond"
" Time"
" I Feel Free"
"Burden In My Hand"
" Smoke On The Water"
Ah shit! I'm losing it already! It's fading! Lost in the remembrance
of people's reactions, people freaking out. It's not just that they were songs
that made people crazy, they didn't expect them, but also because they were
efortless to sing, and I nailed each and every one so perfectly! I was so on tonight!
It's neat meeting all these strangers, and we talk and have fun, and then, like tonight,
this nice really young couple and I were hitting it off, I was trying to get the girl to do
a song. You can tell when people want to do it themselves, they fantasize about it,
but ultimately are too afraid. .
She wouldn't do it, and they called my name. Afterwards, her and the guy were high fiving
my hands a lot, and really complimenting me. I got so much applause tonight!

But part of it really was the song selection. Oh yeah!
I did: " Can't find my way home" Blind Faith.

And that finished me off. If I'd had the honey-loquat syrup, maybe I could've done more.
Wow, I did 6 songs!
Let's see, 2 Pink Floyds,
a Cream,
A Soundgarden,
Deep Purple,
and Blind Faith.

Let me repeat myslef here: Who knew they had this kind of shit in Kareoke?
I didn't.
Although one night I did Steely Dan's" Reelin' in the years"
And I did it just for the solo, one of my fave solos ever recorded in a rock song.
That whole guitar thing in that song. Man.
So I did it because I was wondering how the studio musicians are going to pull it off. LOL
I tell the DJ, Patrick, he knows I do that. He makes the guitar sound like it's laughing
at times...

I'll say " I wonder how the studio musicians are going to do that killer blues solo
in ZZ Top's Cheap Sunglasses? "
And I'll do it, just so we can find out. He likes it, too. I'll sing songs that have references
to hot women, etc, like the Cheap Sunglasses lyrics. It's not about that. For me it's the guitar,
listening to the studio musicians. God bless the studio musicians. They shred, they kick ass,
and they don't get the mass accolades. And yet they make the music world go round.
I tend to remember the ones that I do killer on, and mentally discard the ones that I
wasn't so hot on, usually a case of being too buzzed or something. Like the still-traumatic
Kiss Rock and Roll all night ( and party ever-rrr-eee day) fiasco. : P

Last time this same guy was here , the fill-in DJ, I wound up doing Yes " Roundabout"
and " Long Distance Runaround" Got the huge response on those, people coming up to me all night afterwards. Yes people.
I need to add Roundabout to my list. I kick ass on Yes.
I need to go to bed.
Goodnight! : )
p.s. The songs weren't done in that order, I work my way up from easiest to hardest.
Blind Faith, that was hardest ( as one might imagine) and last.
That's kind of effortless, too. If my voice is on, like it was tonight.
I think I'll have to drink the honey-loquat syrup tomorrow and for the next week. I'm
scheduled to go into the studio next Saturday. Knock wood! T told me, but I'm still cautious.
Who knows what could happen to the guy between now and next Saturday?
Jeez, get a grip, Lisa. So fearful of anything good happening. lol..

My throat feels strained and I think I have laryngiitis. My throat gets so dry, and they don't have tea or anything! Just booze. So my throat gets thrashed from lack of moisture, singing 6 songs without any drink of water or tea or anything! That's what's really hurting it!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Yeah! Pt 2.

I've been afraid that T, the producer, wouldn't get back to me,
but YEAH! He did! Just now! He said he's been busy as hell, but he didn't forget about me.
I was afraid he did, and I started waxing philosophical about it. Comforting
myself with the thought " Well, at least someone wanted to do your album,
even if they aren't going to now."
I think part of it was listening to Rachel's voice recently, I told my friend " Listening
to Rachel sing made me feel like my voice was puke!" LOL
People remark on my voice as well, for example, my doctor once told me that I have a" very pleasant cadence to my voice" Whatever that is.
Hmm, I just looked it up, I dunno.

Anyway, T said that I have a distinctive voice , too.
To be honest, I have been kinda bummed about my voice lately, feeling like " What are
you thinking, Lisa? When there are people like Rachel in this world, and Kate Bush!"
But you know what helped me? Thinking of
Karen Carpenter. Rod Stewart.
People that may not be able to hit the highest notes , have quite that ability, but they have a distinctive sound, and in the case of Karen, I've heard a lot of different people say that she had one of the most beautiful voices in music. And I agree.
So I told myself, " Lisa, you have a very different voice from Rachel's, your voice doesn't
sound like puke, if it did, people wouldn't be requesting songs all the time, the producer
wouldn't have approached you, Patrick the DJ wouldn't have said so, you're being too
critical, too hard on yourself!"
I guess I'm still afraid that if I'm too happy, I'll jinx it somehow. When I told myself not
to be afraid to have more hope.

Thank you to all that gave encouraging words on the subject yesterday. The subject of
trying to be more happy and confident, and feel good about myself. I really did hear you, and take those words to heart...
I guess the album is still on!
BTW, this is what I secretly did all those years: I had a beat up, old, toy-guitar that I secretly
wrote songs and sang on. I traded a bracelet that I'd found in the street, at a pawnshop, for this toy-guitar. The guy wouldn't give me a better guitar for the trade.

But by the time I split up and moved out on my own, I had a whole buncha stuff that I'd written.
The first thing I did when I got out on my own was buy a "real" guitar. It's a 150$ - thing
that I bought from ebay, I'm happy with it. I have a 70's tape recorder that someone gave me,
and I've been using that to record my songs on. It's funny because I heard that Tom Morello
from Audioslave/RATM uses the exact same thing to record riffs on, etc. An old, 70's
cassette recorder. Made me feel better. I like it myself.

The thing that's also funny is that once right after I moved out, my ex came over, and I
played what I called a little private concert for him. He was shocked, and said " Wow, you got
good, fast!"
He didn't apparently know that I'd been secretly playing and writing all those years, so that this
was actually nothing new. And that without a real guitar, it wasn't sounding right, no matter
how hard I tried. With a real guitar, he suddenly thought I was magically good.

So that's the update for certain people that may have been wondering about this for quite awhile.. and I didn't
want to mention it to more recent friends because I was afraid they'd think I was trying to...
I dunno, solicit myself? That I had an agenda? I really don't.
And I hear certain people at the blogs talk about technical equipment, stuff that goes
right over my head, and I felt bad about that, too. Not having any fancier, more expensive
recording equipment.
But the music is what counts, remember that, Lisa.

Happy Birthday Broo!

Happy birthday, Bro-Bro! Hope it's a good one,
I know it's a milestone birthday, but hey, we have baby faces,
and miraculous constitutions. : )
So don't worry about it. I do have a little something for ye, but
I had ordered it and I'm still waiting for it. I think the holiday
yesterday threw things off as far as delivery. Sorry! Damned thing
better get here today...
I love you, mang.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Sponge Candy and Soy Milk...

Two new things I've tried recently, and been pleasantly surprised with.
Sponge candy sounded intriguing, I read that they only make it at certain
times of the year, colder times. Never heard of it out here in CA, but apparently
it's all over the place in NY/East coast. Yum! It turned out to be really good, except that it's so rich that I could only eat two pieces. It's this crispy sponge stuff, covered in chocolate. I've
known about it for awhile, but had to wait for November to buy it! For the colder
weather. None of the places I looked were making it till then.

Soy milk, been wanting to try it for awhile. I finally tried it, after a friend told me that it's
good for regulating hormones. PMS. Yuck. Was desperate enough to give it a try.
It's pretty good! I was told not to bother with the vanilla flavored stuff, to try the regular
minutely sweetened kind. I really like it.
The great part is that I discovered how much lower in calories and fat it is, than regular
milk. And I'm a big milk drinker. So I may be onto something here. : )
If anyone out there has been curious about it but afraid of how it might taste, try it!

I finally succeeded in losing 7 pounds of the 20 that I'd gained recently, 13 more to go and I'll be happy with my weight. I'll never be a twig, Olsen- twin- thin, and I'm not going to try to be.
Oh yeah, I forgot: I added my email address to my profile, should've done it sooner.
Ok, so the candy isn't a good idea, but everything in moderation. And it's a birthday treat
for myself ( except that I opened it a few days early-bad! Bad Lisa!), anyway.
Have a good weekend, everyone!

Thursday, November 10, 2005


I think I might be starting to heal from the past couple of years
of loss. Losing my parents, my husband, my ex-first love and mentor
Mike, some friends that were my friends when I was married, but not now
that I am single. My in-laws. Death and divorce.
Real loss.

I swear it was fate that put me in contact with certain people lately.
Recently, out of the blue, I became interested in checking out other people's
blogs. Started checking out all the blogs I could, when previously I would
just concentrate on my own. When I would log in, I would skip all the listings of
other people's blogs.
So recently, when I was logging in, a blog title caught my eye. I checked it out,
then checked out a couple of others, and wound up meeting the neatest, sunniest,
funniest, sweetest people. They've really been cheering me up lately.
It's nice to be able to smile and laugh again, and talking to other people. I've been so lonely,
for so long.
Last Christmas, I found to my horror that my next door neighbors must've heard me weeping and carrying on. I didn't realize that they had a side door in their dining room that was open, and they were eating christmas dinner. The side door faced my window, I was sooo embarrassed when the neighbor showed up out of the blue to invite me to dinner. I went, but jeez, It was embarrassing. The looks on their faces, they all felt sorry for me.
Been spending christmases and birthdays and all other holidays alone for a couple of years now.
It's weird being all alone in the world. I don't have any family except for one brother in L.A.
he doesn't celebrate christmas. I've been trying so hard not to feel sorry for myself these past
recent years.

But to get back to what I was trying to say, I've been feeling slightly less alone since finding these blog friends. However fleeting , however far away, I'm happy to have them
in my life right now.
I'm very much living in the now when it comes to appreciating them. I guess that might be
a positive side- effect from all this loss, I don't take love for granted anymore, I treasure
the kindness of other people in a way that I never did when I was younger.
I'm so used to people being unkind, cruel, that now when I meet and talk to nice people,
I marvel at their kindness.
I remember when I first got divorced, meeting people here and there, grocery store,
laundromat. When they were nice to me, sometimes I would go away and cry, and whisper
to myself " Thank you for being nice to me."
Because I guess I felt like I didn't deserve to be treated nicely. I didn't deserve for people to like me. I'd been trapped in the house for so many years, I would literally go months without ever even going out once. All I knew was cruelty.
So I guess I was shellshocked when I finally saw the sun again.

When I finally went outside again, the sounds seemed louder, the colors brighter,
and I felt dizzy with being overwhelmed. The sun was blinding. It was like sensory overload. So it was in this
state that I was being overwhelmed by people's kindness.
I am at this moment coming to terms with the fact that I was abused. : (

I guess my pride didn't want to let me admit it. I am admitting it now for the first time.
If your husband sabotages the car so you can't ever leave, and he knows you can't walk far
because of your back injuries, and he doesn't let you do anything, and tells you that you
are scum, a piece of shit that no one would want, that's abuse. If he hits you and chokes you, that's abuse. He controlled everything. Even the shampoo I used, the tampons I used.
He chose everything. I had no say.
It's embarrassing to admit it. I never could talk about this before. I was too scared. Too
proud. My ex knew I had no family, no one to speak up for me, check up on me. He was
able to take advantage of this.
I'm going to stop now. I'm crying hard as I type this. Yet I'm refusing to be anything other than naked now. Naked writing. I'm spewing what's in my soul. My secrets.
But I wanted to say that I appreciate the new people I've been meeting thanks to my blog.
I appreciate you. You have been good for my soul. I'm going to post this before I lose my nerve.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

How Does This Stuff Happen To Me?

This reminds me of my Battlebot cactus story posted long ago.
If you've read that far back in my blog, you've been warned :)
This might not be for the squeamish.

Just now, after I'd gotten home from voting, I had
a pen in my mouth and was looking for my checkbook.
I couldn't find it.
I'm walking around, looking under papers, etc, starting to get
ever-so-slightly panicky. In this spirit of distraction, I spotted
my checkbook lying between the wall and the nightstand, it had fallen down
there. I'm glad I thought to check there.
So forgetting that the pen is in my mouth, I bend forward to reach down and
grab the book, except I guess I kinda stumbled a little, lost my balance my face almost hit the wall, the pen DID hit the wall, the force of it drove the pen into my mouth really hard,
and stabbed the underside of my tongue so bad that it's bleeding, cut, and hurts like hell!
I can actually feel a floppy piece of skin in there, where it stabbed and broke the skin!
What is wrong with me?
Jeez! I'm so klutzy! This was like when the Battlebot cactus needle poked into the side of my head!
Just thought I'd share that with you. It almost became one of those scenes from that old show Rescue 911. Don't be dumb enough to fall face-first against a wall with a pen sticking out of your mouth. Especially if you have a history of freak accidents like this. LOL

It's Voting Day!

Here in California we have a special election happening today,
it's kind of exciting. Pretty soon I will go vote. Whichever way
that I vote on the issues, at least know that they weren't made lightly,
based on hearsay. I have researched the issues, every single one.

People are riled, have been for a long time. I remember the last time I went to vote,
the presidential election, tensions were running so high that a loud argument broke out inside the polling
place! Right next to the voting booths! It was several Republicans against several
Democrats, it was happening right in front of me in the line. I think I started to chime in, but then the polling officials threatened us all, that we wouldn't be able to vote,
we would be kicked out. I stopped immediately.
Except that the others started up again when I was actually voting, and I said loudly
" I can't think!" Because I really couldn't concentrate with all the fighting.
The polling officials told them it was the last warning.
It's kinda funny because it was in a church. I'm not used to people swearing and
getting so obnoxious inside a church. Not that I go to church. But still.
And I admit that I shouldn't have joined in on the fight in the 1st place.

I was going to go on a rant just now about the propositions, but then I decided not to.
It's enough that I let my voting speak for me, and that I have researched the issues.

Monday, November 07, 2005

I'm not a guy...

Someone, a nice person online, thought that I was a guy, from my moniker.
I thought it was funny because I had just posted something about being mistaken
for a drag queen when I went to Rocky Horror Picture show.
I'm not a guy! I don't look like a guy! I need to get more photos of myself, except I hate
getting my picture taken. I always think I come out badly. I don't even have any
photos of myself, literally. Not kidding. I recently bought a little digital camera with the idea
of getting more photos of myself to put here, but I can't figure out how to use the camera! lol
It's sitting right here next to me, as a matter of fact.

I'm so um, technophobic these days. It's because if I screw something up, I really don't
have a lot of guys that I can ask for help. Or at least, my ex always loved technical
electronic doo-dads, and he always took care of everything like that. And since we
are not together anymore, I'm not sure who to ask about this stuff. My female friends
don't know more than I do about this sort of thing. So there it is.
But I swear, I'm not a guy, and I don't look like a guy! Honest! Not even remotely, and in fact,
even if I were to try to dress and look like a guy, my face just wouldn't pass. Even if I had a fake moustache.
Fortunately no one has ever thought such a thing in person, since the Rocky Horror incident.
It's the moniker. Nabonidus.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Kareoke Fun...

Went to kareoke last night, I'm glad I did.
Right when I walked in, people were happy to see me,
made me feel welcome. I swear, it feels like Cheers when
this happens. Instead of saying "Norm!" They say " Lisa!"
It's good for my wounded soul.

The only thing that was difficulat was that right away someone
had made a request to the DJ, that I sing. I told him I wasn't ready
( takes me one drink to loosen up), but he made me anyway.

I started off with something vocally safe. " Feelin' Alright" by Joe
Cocker. People seemed to really like it. I do a good job on that one.
Once I determined that my voice was on, I moved forward with
other songs.
I always do that, start off with a "safe" song, and see how my voice is.

Actually, I have a little pattern, thing that I do when I'm on my way there.
I use one of those honey lemon throat lonzenges, really helps.
Let's see...
Oh, yeah, I did "Fairies Wear Boots" again. I love doing that one when
it goes for a long time without any rock songs. In fact, it was a spur- of- the- moment
choice in retaliation to someone doing Vanilla Ice.
People appreciated it, I could tell. When the song title " Fairies" by Black Sabbath appeared
on the screen, a big cheer went up.
I love that, it helps me to sing better.
It was such a good audience last night! Lots of enthusiastic applause. Let's see...
I sang "Sara" by Fleetwood Mac ( a choice based upon people always doing "Landslide" or
"Silver Spring" -wanted to hear some different FM).
I sang a few duets with people , but I can't remember which ones. It's getting a little
weird on that, if I'm lucky, people ask first. But frequently they don't ask, they choose
their song, get the mic, start singing, and then walk over to me and point the mic at me,
and there it is. Duet. Or they might have two mics with them, and hand me one.
I had to do " Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" with a young guy, looked like a frat boy.
Now, I managed to nail it, but it effectively wrecked my voice for
the rest of the night. It was almost the end of the night, anyway.
The thing is, I would never in a million years choose that song to do. I have had to sing
Bee Gees duets, I almost had to do a Grease duet when a pushy man wouldn't let up
on trying to talk me into it. I wound up just walking away, I had to. We would've gone
back and forth on that all night. I wasn't going to budge on it.
But it's funny, the songs that people want to do. " Staying Alive". " Ice Ice Baby"
" Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

By the way, I have to be careful with the alcohol. One drink helps me loosen up,
but more than that and it gets risky, and it can be traumatically embarrassing. There was an incident once. lol
Kiss' "Rock n' roll all night and party everyday" became a catastrophe, I'd chosen it
because it seemed like an easy song, but oh, boy!

I didn't realize I was drunk until I was up there in front of people,
trying to sing it. It was horrifying. I could barely form any words, and I've noticed an
odd phenomenon, when a person has had too much to drink, song words suddenly
become waaay too fast. This has happened to many people there (It happened to a girl
named Z last night, and she didn't finish the song she'd been doing). It's like time in
general speeds up.

So I'm singing Kiss, the words are speeding by, and I'm having the revelation that I am shitfaced, standing in front of about 100-200 people.
Fortunately some kind souls picked up the words, and the whole bar joined in.
So we all sang it together, and I was relieved of my drunken Kareoke burden.
I've never done that again. Gotten to that point of drunkenness.
The kareoke itself is the rush. Playing rock star for an evening.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Note On Hallucinogenics...

Since I probably sounded like I was saying how cool acid and shrooms
were in my previous post, I wanted to elaborate on this a little more...

It was a phase of my existence, the cliche college- age- experimentation
-phase that they've made jokes about on South Park. As in: " Don't do drugs
now, kids! Wait for when you are older, and in college, like everyone else!"

By the time I was 21, all of that stuff was out of my system.
But also, to present it straight-up real, I have seen about 3 or 4 people
have bad trips. Maybe more...

Hallucinogenics are like playing a mental form of Russian Roulette.
I've seen a friend of mine go fetal for about 8 hours, he wouldn't talk to any of us,
at all. Just curled up in a fetal position and stayed that way.
One guy that we brought to TRHPS had a bad trip in the van, and never went in to
see the movie.
We all tried to get him to come in and watch the movie, but he was having a sort
of acid-induced anxiety attack.
Found out years later that he was gay, but at this time no one knew it. He'd been
struggling with his identity, and the acid coupled with the TRHPS atmosphere
freaked him out. At the time we just tried to be comforting.

One time I ran into a friend, he was on acid, I wasn't. He lost something,
I don't remember what. Some keys, something.
He wound up thrashing his hand and a guy named T and I had to physically restrain
him when he put his hand through a wooden fence, cut the hell out of his hand, it was bad.
He was trying to hit his hand over and over, and that's where we came in and tried to restrain him from doing it more. His hand looked like bloody meat, and he was still trying to wreck it further. Over some lost keys.

So that's my point. For whatever fun I've had with that stuff, there's an equal amount
of not-fun examples that I've witnessed.
It's weird when people get violent on it. Another guy, also named T, got totally belligerent,
and wanted to fight a dude that he hated for no reason. So odd. He just mysteriously took
offense to this guy, for no reason.

I had kind of a bad trip once when I saw Poltergeist 2 while frying. After the movie I kept thinking that there were ancient Indian corpses buried in the ground everywhere, and we were all walking around on them. That there were probably thousands of ancient corpses that we
didn't know about, all buried underneath us.
And my head seemed to be screwed on pretty tight, when it came to this stuff. If anything,
I've helped so many people through THEIR bad trips.
So if I could have such a trip, then anyone could. If you do it enough, you WILL eventually have a bad one. Especially if you are having problems in your life.
That's what happened to me.

Come to think of it, I quit immediately after that. At that point just about everyone I knew
including myself had suffered a bad trip at some time or another.
Those aren't good odds.
Because everyone has some problems in their lives. And when you fry, they can be brought
to the surface. The guy that went fetal later told us that he was having a bad trip about his
mom. Another guy that I saw weeping for literally hours told me that he was thinking about
his family, and all the family problems. Felt guilty. He was having a guilt trip. I bet that was awful. I could imagine. How many of us feel regretful over something that we've said or done
to our parents? Or that our parents have done to us, for that matter.

I wasn't worried about my family, or anything else, so my bad trip was about hypotheticals,
and it wound up feeling plausible, real. There really were corpses of ancient Indians right under my feet! At least, that's what it felt like at the time.
I shouldn't have gone to see Poltergeist 2 while frying, but my friends wanted to.
Not a good idea to watch scary ghost movies while frying your brains out, lol. What did they expect?

Rocky Horror Picture Show...

First let me say that the memory foam seems to have worked for a 2nd
day - my back feels better this morning. I'm happy about this! : )

I was watching something that reminded me of Rocky Horror Picture Show,
they'd made reference to " Let's do the time warp again" and I went a'
scrolling down memory lane...

My friends and I used to ingest certain substances, of a hallucinogenic variety,
and dress up in elaborate outfits, costumes, and go see TRHPS.
Every week for awhile there, Saturday nights at the Kent theatre. Shrooms,
acid. No speed, coke, or anything like that. No alcohol. Ecstacy would probably
been popular if it was readily available back then.
I remember wearing the most flamboyant outfits, for me they were flamboyant.
Black and white spandex body suit with hair styled like Marilyn Monroes , etc.

The funniest thing happened one night, I can't believe I'm going to write about this...
One night, as we were leaving the Kent, my friend and I were walking down the
street, and this car slowed down and drove slowly by us. A group of teenaged or
college age boys all leaned out the window and screamed :

It made me feel bad, but then I saw the humor in it.
And here's why:
I am a tall woman, about 5 feet 8 . I had a nice enough body to be wearing spandex
body suits. My friend also was a tall girl, we had very similar build.

So I am walking down the street in a bright red tight wraparound dress with flaring skirt,
I have the heavy Tim Curry Frankenfurter face makeup on. I am in six- inch spike heels that I
could barely walk in, they were so uncomfortable. But they put me well over six
feet, in fact, I'm probably about 6 2 in these things! So I'm walking badly in these heels...
And here's the other, I have huge boobs. I can't help it, they are natural.
This is mentioned because now visualize all of this, how it must have looked..
A "woman" about 6 2 walking down the street in garish face makeup, with huge
fake looking knockers... They thought we were drag queens! ( I lol'd for about 5 minutes just now)
Yep, I was mistaken for being a drag queen once, when I was leaving TRHPS.
I was called a Fag and told that I was going to burn in hell.
I figure that this is a fairly unique experience for a hetero woman.
At the time I felt bad about it, like I must be manly looking or something.
But then I visualized how we must have looked, and where we were, and it was
suddenly very funny. : ) Hilarious, in fact. : )

I don't look manly in the least, I swear. Not even close.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Housing in L.A....

When we lived in L.A., in two different areas, a specific
thing happened to our family, twice! And it was kind of a rare and disturbing
occurrence to happen even once!
First, in Long Beach...

My Mom was babysitting two little boys from next
door. I was little then, myself. Couldn't have been more than 5.
And yet I remember this so vividly. These two blonde little boys,
they are staying with us. My brother and I are getting sick of it,
for one thing, they are even younger then we are. We don't even
really like them...

Except after awhile my Mom starts making disturbing little comments,
musings. I don't remember if she actually told my brother and I what was going
on, or we overheard it somehow.
But my Mom was starting to make comments to the effect of " I have a baaad
feeling about this. I think we're going to need to find some other relatives."

Because this was what happened : The boys mother had left them with us and was supposed
to come back after a day or so, but she never did! She literally never came back. A
week went by, before my mom did anything. She'd tried to give the lady a chance to come back.

Ultimately my mom managed to find the husband and father of the boys, and he confirmed it.
She wasn't dead or wounded. She decided she didn't want to be a mother anymore, and
took off. My mom was really pissed.
The Dad came and got the boys.
Actually, these were the same neighbors that had their car stripped completely, practically down to a skeleton. Wheels gone, etc. We bought a big car alarm after that. I'd written about that before.

A few years later, when I was about 12, the same thing happened again!

We lived in housing, in Camarillo, at this point. Overall better than Long Beach.
L.B. was gnarly.
Oxnard was bad, too. Lived there for a brief time before moving to Camarillo...

Anyway, so we are in Camarillo, I'm 12. The lady next door leaves her daughter of about
8 (shy kid with glasses and brown hair) with us for a day or two.
You can guess what happened next. Yep.

She never came back! And my Mom had the key to their house next door. She actually took
me with her to go next door, and check out the house. I almost think she was scared to go
by herself.
As soon as we opened the door, we saw a giant paperHalloween witch strung up in the living room, and the place was thrashed! My mom made me wait in the entrance while she
went to check out the rest of the house. I think she was afraid that foul play, robbery had
But she came back and said " It's just as bad up there as it is down here. She's gone, and she seems to have taken everything of value".
That's the reason my mom thought a robbery had ocurred, the TV was gone, stereo, everything! But the stuff that wasn't taken, like the coffee table, etc, was overturned, trash
and papers were strewn everywhere. I think she'd even taken trash out of the kitchen and dumped it in the middle of the living room!
My mom said that the woman was insane, clearly not in her right mind to have
done these things.

So we had to call, notify "K" the dad, and when he got home and looked in his house, he stood
there and started crying like a baby. Sobbed, everything. It was so sad. I wasn't used to grown
men crying like that.
My entire family went over there, and we cleaned up the house. The living room, anyway.
My mom and dad comforted K and settled him down. Oddly enough, I can't remember where
the girl was, the daughter. I don't even remember her name. She was so quiet all the time.
Such a sad thing.

Isn't that kind of weird, though? The same thing happening twice like that!
I almost think that my family must have made a good impression on other families, at
that point. Before everything went bad.

BTW, K and his daughter were ok, they got over it after awhile. K was a pretty nice guy, actually. Good sense of humor. My family wound up befriending him, when we hadn't even known him before this.


Billy is a cool young person from Texas, I stumbled across
her blog one day and it surprised me, pleasantly so. I checked out
her friends blogs, and they surprised me, too. There's some neat kids
down there in Texas. Gives me a little hope for the future. Sorry to
sound so corny using the word "neat" but oh, well.
I think Billy is a writer, some people have it and some people don't.
Even though she's only beginning, there's real promise there. IMHO,
of course. Check out her poetry and see for yourself.

Memory Foam Update...

I should actually give it a few more nights before I make a pronouncement,
It seems to have worked! Whatdya know?
Far less lower back pain this morning! I can't even believe it.
If this keeps up, and isn't a fluke, then this thing was well worth the money.
Seriously, based upon preliminary results, I'd recommend this to anyone with
back pain, or any other kind of pain, really. I could see it being good for hips and knees.
This is amazing .

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Memory Foam Already...

It got here already! That was a shock!
It was folded in half, and then rolled up. Looked like
a giant styrofoam ball.

My God, it was difficult to unroll , then peel it apart,
because it was all stuck together! It just wouldn't take
the shape of a big, flat rectangle. I laid it on the floor and
walked around on it. Tried to reshape it into a bed shape.
I did succeed, sort of.

I have it on the bed now, with sheets on it. I think it's changing into
the correct shape now.
But it sure as hell didn't look like the ones I see in pictures and on
TV! Those are perfectly flat, clearly they took those straight from
the factory, unpacked..

It made my bed a whole lot taller, which is really
cool, I've always loved tall beds.
My brother had an awesome bed when we were kids, I was jealous.
He had a captain's bed, a big, solid wood bed with drawers underneath, and you
had to climb up to get in it. I've wanted a bed like that ever since. Still don't
have one, yet. When my brother got the captain's bed, I got a trundle bed.
It had a roll out bed underneath. It was nice, but not my style. The trundle bed
was for girlish sleepovers, it did wind up getting used.

I hope the memory foam helps my back.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Watch Out! It's the Ancient Ones! They're Killing Us !

That's who's REALLY dangerous on the road, and I just had
an incident with a man that was about 80+ that was driving next to me.
He was going the speed limit, I'll give him that. He was the rare ancient person
that wasn't driving 15 mph in a 55 zone. But he literally almost killed me. He forced me into merging freeway traffic, by
butting me over into it. I guess he didn't see me, and was getting over. Since he was
right next to me when he decided to do it, it forced me to swerve away from him, where the cars were coming off the freeway. He turned his wheel without even looking to see if anyone was next to him. That was crazy.

I actually was shaking when I got to my destination, my hands were shaking. I was freaked. Cars were behind me, all sides of me, and someone does that? Just turns their car into my lane while I'm in it? He wasn't trying to cut me off,
he just didn't see me one single bit.
I guess I'm still rattled by it. At least the people behind me all saw it. If he'd killed me (and others, this would have been bad), it wouldn't have been my fault in the slightest.

I was going to use the term "old" but I'm specifically talking about the ancient ones.
After the incident today I got to thinking about how teenagers DO cause accidents, etc,
but if one considers how much time ancient people vs young ones are driving,
the ancient ones are causing faaaar more accidents per time on the road. You figure
the Ancient Ones might go out for, say, some metamucil and cat food. But they aren't
out driving to and from school everyday, picking up little sister from soccer, etc., the way
that a teenager probably is. Teenagers might have as many accidents but spend more time driving than the A.O.s.
And let's consider that the young one's skills are sharpening, their ability is escalating. Whereas the A.O's driving skills are seriously on the decline.

Actually, when I got about 3 blocks from here coming home after this insanity, an older lady of about 60was driving in front of me, and I noticed something odd:

She was smiling, I'd seen her face when she turned in front of me at the stop sign.
This is important because later when we were stopped at the light, I noticed a
huge profusion of black smoke coming from her muffler. Tailpipe. Whatever that thing is.

But here's the thing. Not only did the smoke smell and look bad, serious car problem bad,
there was some sort of liquid dripping steadily from it. At first I thought I was imagining it,
then I thought it might be water, maybe she'd washed her car. Nope. Her car was dry-looking, and it was some sort of dark liquid, I watched it drip , drip, drip, and make a little pool on the road.
I don't know much about cars, but even I know, something was wrong there.
The burning smell, and so much black smoke!

I wanted to try to wave her down, but I couldn't! If I'd honked, she wouldn't understand,
and it would possibly look road-ragish.
I couldn't drive up alongside her, to pantomime anything. I felt a little worried for the woman.
But I turned onto my street instead of following her further.
Wonder what was up with that?
And was she knowingly driving like that?
I swear, I think that was oil coming out of that pipe-thing.Maybe it's impossible,
but it sure looked like it.

Another time when I saw a guy driving oncoming, he had billowing white smoke coming
out of the radiator area of his car( I thought).
I could see his face, and he had the same tense, serious
face I get when I have car problems. This woman looked carefree, happy.
She didn't have that watchful, listening expression that people get when they
are driving and their car acts up.

Anyway. I'm glad the ancient man didn't kill me today.

My Achin' Back...

Once again I've awakened with horrible back pain, sciatica, all that shit.
I'm truly suffering.
And since my birthday's coming in a couple of weeks,
I went ahead and did some research into the subject of this memory foam stuff.
Priced around, etc.
Apparently these 2 -inch thick pads of memory foam that I saw everywhere aren't even the thickness recommended by experts. Supposedly you need a 4-inch thick for it to make a difference, do any good.
Walmart had one that advertised being 6 inches thick, I checked it out, it was $170+ for the
one I'd need. Except I got to reading a little more, and it turned out that it was false advertising,
it was 4 1/2 inches of regular foam, and 1 1/2 inches of memory foam.

So I read more on the subject, including a comparison between regular foam and memory
foam, the memory foam is way more expensive for a reason. It's far denser, for one thing.
So researched yet more, priced a whole lot of places, and the absolute best deal I personally
found was They had all sizes same price, for $169. And 2.95 shipping.
And it was the pure 100% 4 -inch memory foam. That's a faaaar better price than anyone
else's. QVC, Walmart, Sears, K-mart, etc. It's hard to find the 4-inch pads at all, and the 2-inch pads are the exact same price.
For a full- size 2 inch pad, $170+!
At the overstock site I am able to get a 4-inch queen sized one for the same price, or a even king size!
I Hope nothing wrong with it. I read the reviews, people in general seemed to really like it. If those were real reviews. There were one or two cranky ones that made them seem legit.
That IS a huge price difference, though.

So that's going to be my birthday present to myself, I gotta do something about this bad- back
My existing mattress is fine, but apparently a lot of people buy those to revive their existing
mattresses. Supposedly it evens them out.